Hi Yvonne1, 

I know what you mean I lost my beautiful husband of 39 years 7 weeks ago. He was about to be started on a clinical trial when he became very I'll as tumours had spread to his bowel. It was so quick at the end I was left shocked and traumatised after 6 weeks where in hospital was advised he would go home on 3 occasions. I never thought I could feel so bad, I can't believe he's gone. I can only hope I feel better in time as he would want me to keep living a good life I just can't see how I get there. 
it's difficult as friends don't really want to hear how bad we feel, that's why we join these chats. I hope you can find something positive to do every day, I have a dog so that makes me go out. I think we have to find something to keep going for me it's my children and grandchildren. It's so very hard my husband was only 61 and so fit and always working on something or outdoors walking or cycling, this disease is so devastating and unfair. I find it helpful to write to my husband everyday or as I need I can tell him everything I can't tell others and it lets me express my feelings. Take care you're not alone, it's a terrible price to pay for the love we have. 

Hi CMMJ

So nice of you to reply.

I also have a dog which gets me out of the house even when it's cold and raining. He is my life line tbh. My friends are great and say I'm doing really and positive things but I feel I'm not and like you don't know how things are going to get better. My husband was 58 but had Cronic Kidney Disease so chemo was not an option as he would have been on dyalisis 3 times a week. I also hope my family and grandchildren can get me through this as I have been told it's going to be a long haul and will not get better overnight,,

Hopefully both of us can get through this as they say be kind to yourself . Take care