Welcome to the forum, MagB99.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mum last month.

It must be stressful to be facing all those university challenges while you grieve the loss of someone so important in your life so I hope you're taking it easy for now until you figure things out a little better.

I noticed you already started reaching out to others here and hope you get the support you seek among us. With that in mind, there are a few pages I wanted to share with you. The first is called coping with grief which has some helpful tips and suggestions for those trying to deal with these complex feelings you may experience as you go. Then there is Cruse if you ever feel like talking things over on the phone with someone - their phone number: 0808 808 1677.

I hope these help.

All the best,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

My neighbour lost her mum in October and didn't get back to work until January. Try to relax and give yourself some time. I'm sure the uni will be able to reassure that it can be a while until your ready to return.
Going back will help to occupy you and keep you busy, but you do need some time.  I'm glad that mum didn't suffer and you remember her up and about. 
take care thinking of you 

susie

Hi MagB,

I can truly empathise with you. I've just lost my mum a few days ago, and feeling the raw emotion and hurt right now. Missing her so much already. Like yourself, I'm in the fortunate situation not to have seen my mother have a prolonged decline, and she passed so peacefully in the end. 

You are still only a month in, into your own grieving process. I'd say to you, take it easy and listen to your body and mind. University does have provisions in place, and perhaps you can consider the option of deferring your assessments to the summer resit opportunity, and they should class this as your first attempt, with no penalties or grade caps. This is a common opportunity for many UK universities, so I'd hope it was the case for yours too. 

Just having that little extra time and space to grieve, look after yourself, and complete your assignments with less pressure, it may be a good option for you. And you would complete your degree on schedule too, without having to repeat a year.

Be kind to yourself, and keep the communication open with the university. It's better to keep them up to date and make decisions before mitigating circumstance windows close. Perhaps drop into your the enquiry centre on your campus for a chat about the best way forward for you.

I think you need to alleviete the pressure of assignments off yourself for the time being, and use the next month to take care of your body and mind.

Small steps, such as even starting with a ten minute walk, then a twenty, and building it up so you get out of bed, and have exercise. Sometimes you'll feel like stayng in bed, but try and lean on your friends for support too if you can. Even just asking if you can pop over for coffee, or take a walk with someone. 

Your university should also have a free counselling service, and it could be worthwhile taking advantage of that to work through some of your feelings.

Above all else, take good care, try and focus on your nutrition and physical health, and most importantly your mental health. I know it doesn't work for some people, but meditation apps like Headspace or Calm can be a nice way to take some time out.

We will both be on a journey over the next while, and grief will keep coming in waves, but from the grief, comes increased kindness in our hearts, more understanding for others, and carrying on our lives inspired by our wonderful mums.

Sending love and a big hug,

John x