I lost my mum on Christmas eve 2022 to bowel and liver cancer. The day after my little one turned 3. She died in a hospice which she had always said ahe wanted to go into when the time came. She had been in the hospice for 2 weeks . We thought she would have a bit more time,little did we know God had other plans for her. What should be a lovely time with birthdays, Santa arriving, its been a mix of emotions. To be homest the past 3 weeks have been an absolute blur and feels like an absolute lifetime ago.

She had been diagnosed 8/9months ago, surgery wasnt an option so we had to endure 2 failed rounds of chemo. Her body took an absolute battering, it was so difficult to see her deteriorate every time i seen her. She always tried to remain postive for the sake of her kids but i just had a feeling god wouldnt be kind to us.

Her funeral is this week which i am absolutely dreading. To rememher her life just makes me cry,  the memories make me laugh but her passing is still raw i don't want to relive it with an audiance   Myself and family literally watched her take her last brearh and it was truely heartbreaking . To see your mum like that breaka your heart but i know i have to be strong for my little one who knows granny is no longer with us .  I have this ache in my heart as i am now at the longest bit where i've not spoken to my mum. I want to just speak to her, see her, cuddle her  some days are fine and others not so good, it comes in waves all of a sudden. I can be fine and something triggers it. 

Does it get better?