Hello Evie213

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. Undoubtedly her death will have impacted all your lives and it's understandable that you've been experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. 

Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating. I know that many of the members here on Cancer Chat who have lost a loved one have found it a great help to access some kind of bereavement support. Having a safe space outside of family and friends in which you can talk about your sister and the impact that her death has had on your life and those around you can be a great help. I'd suggest having a look at the website for a charity called Cruse in the first instance. 

Anniversaries. such as your sister's upcoming 40th birthday, can be particularly difficult. Maybe think about how you want to mark the occasions, be it with your/her children or alone. It will be a difficult day so be kind to yourself. 

Reaching out for support is an important step in your journey with this grief that you're experiencing. Know that you're not alone. There are many people who understand the pain and struggles that you've dealt with. 

You're welcome to post here on the forum any time if it helps to have somewhere to talk about things. I know that the community will do what they can to support you. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator