Hello Victoria 2424, this month is the first anniversary of my husband's death and its so hard when the person who was always there to hold you and say, don't worry all will be fine, no longer exists.  Until you've experienced it no one understands the loss.  I've just spent all of Christmas and new year with family but felt more alone than when I'm alone.  How do you explain that feeling, to family, to friends, they see you smile and engage in conversation when all you can think is I'm really on my own, sometimes it's easier to be alone as I don't have to put a brave face on!  I really feel for you as both my daughters left home within a week of each other, I had Norman but there was still a big black hole, so it must be even worse for you.  But do you know what, three months will pass, just as three years has passed and you will be there when she gets back because that's what Mum's do.  I fill my time as best I can and do voluntary work, ballet classes and see friends.  Someone always needs help and being useful to others makes us feel better. You've made it this far, keep going and it will get a little easier, you've got all those stories to hear when she has travelled and you are her rock as our husband's were ours.  Take care, a big hug your way. Carol x 

Hello Victoria 2424, this month is the first anniversary of my husband's death and its so hard when the person who was always there to hold you and say, don't worry all will be fine, no longer exists.  Until you've experienced it no one understands the loss.  I've just spent all of Christmas and new year with family but felt more alone than when I'm alone.  How do you explain that feeling, to family, to friends, they see you smile and engage in conversation when all you can think is I'm really on my own, sometimes it's easier to be alone as I don't have to put a brave face on!  I really feel for you as both my daughters left home within a week of each other, I had Norman but there was still a big black hole, so it must be even worse for you.  But do you know what, three months will pass, just as three years has passed and you will be there when she gets back because that's what Mum's do.  I fill my time as best I can and do voluntary work, ballet classes and see friends.  Someone always needs help and being useful to others makes us feel better. You've made it this far, keep going and it will get a little easier, you've got all those stories to hear when she has travelled and you are her rock as our husband's were ours.  Take care, a big hug your way. Carol x 

Thank you Carol for your reply sorry I don't go on here much now .  I do hope you are doing ok too . It's a tough one but you have to look after yourself for your children. I've got my eldest that is transgender so it's another tough one to go through but she has so much support and is turning out to be a beautiful young lady and I know my husband would have been so supportive too. The time is dragging a bit with my other daughter away but message her everyday and we video call on WhatsApp which is amazing you take care keeping busy too . Victoria x