Hello Beeney

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum and how difficult you're finding life since her passing. Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating and impact many areas of our lives. 

You mention in your post that you're aware of how your thoughts can sabotage things in your life. I'd really encourage you to talk with your GP about how you're feeling. It may be that they feel some counselling might be appropriate to help manage these thought patterns and of course, it's possible that depression may be impacting how you're feeling. 

If you think that it may help to talk about your Mum and the loss that you've been through then I'd recommend having a look at the website for a bereavement charity called Cruse. They're able to offer a number of different types of bereavement support and this may also be something that helps to set you on the road to improving your life. 

Talking with friends can be difficult at times - even ones we have known for a long time and are very close to. I'm sure that if the roles were reversed you would want to be able to support your friend. Reach out to those around you and let them know that you're struggling. Hopefully they will be able to help you through this difficult time and encourage you to make choices to improve your situation. 

You've made the first step Beeney by reaching out for support here on the forum. Do get in touch with other organisations and individuals now who can help you continue to move forwards. But mostly, be kind to yourself and take things a day at a time. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator