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Delayed grief

Dawn1983
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Hello, 

I'm hoping for some words of support. We lost my Dad August 2021 after a short battle with oesophageal cancer. We lost my Mum in September 2016 from central nervous system lymphoma. After Mum, I struggled terribly, ended up on antidepressants and spoke to a counsellor. After Dad, I got on with it. I didn't want the pain to come again. I bottled it away. Well, turns out you can't do that and the grief has now hit me - 16months later. I've finally realised that my Dad has gone. He's gone and I'm so so sad. It hurts so much. I'm frightened of having to go through this intense process again. I'm scared I won't get better. 

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  • Hi Dawn1983,

    I'm so sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment - it sounds like you've been through an awful lot. How you are feeling is completely understandable, and although it is no doubt incredibly difficult, it may be a process that is necessary to help with coming to terms with things.

    I'm not sure if the counselling you received previously was helpful for you - perhaps it is something you could try again. It is often helpful to talk to others - both those close to you, but also professionals who may be more neutral and can help with dealing with emotions.

    You may also find it helpful to have a look at this article from Cruse about delayed grief. On their website, Cruse also have a number of helpful resources as well as a helpline and links for support including counselling, so do have a look when you can.

    I'm sure there will be others here who have experienced something similar, so hopefully you'll receive some more replies soon. I hope that the forum can be helpful for you at this time - we are always here for support if you need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

Reply

  • Hi Dawn1983,

    I'm so sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment - it sounds like you've been through an awful lot. How you are feeling is completely understandable, and although it is no doubt incredibly difficult, it may be a process that is necessary to help with coming to terms with things.

    I'm not sure if the counselling you received previously was helpful for you - perhaps it is something you could try again. It is often helpful to talk to others - both those close to you, but also professionals who may be more neutral and can help with dealing with emotions.

    You may also find it helpful to have a look at this article from Cruse about delayed grief. On their website, Cruse also have a number of helpful resources as well as a helpline and links for support including counselling, so do have a look when you can.

    I'm sure there will be others here who have experienced something similar, so hopefully you'll receive some more replies soon. I hope that the forum can be helpful for you at this time - we are always here for support if you need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

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