Hello Hotster8383

Welcome to the forum although I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum and that you're struggling with your grief and what happened in the aftermath of her death. 

Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating. There is no timeline for when things will, or should, get better but often it can help to have some support whilst you're on this journey with grief. 

I don't know if you've had any bereavement support or counseling but I know many members of the forum have accessed these kinds of services and have found them helpful. I'd suggest having a look at the website for a charity called Cruse and getting in touch with them if you think this is something you may want to explore. They have a number of different types of bereavement support available that you may find helpful. 

I do hope you're able to access the support you need to help you move forwards. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator