i lost my dad three years ago to cancer when i was sixteen. i am now nineteen and to say life without him has gotten easier would be a lie, i feel like its been so so hard and i have no one to talk to about this so i am turning to this forum.
i was so close to my dad, he was my best friend and he was taken so soon. he was diagnosed when i was 14 and it did not truly hit me he had cancer until his life was on the line. i somewhat accepted he had this illness but loosing him was completely out of my mind. i mean you only hear that happen to other people, you only hear that happen on tv. loosing my dad? impossible. i was such a niave child and i wish i wasnt because the shock of loosing him has stayed with me this long.
i miss my dad so much. he was getting better, he really was. he just declined so quickly without me even processing anything and it all just happened so quick. his last breath, his funeral, the bereavement journey. everyone around me thinks i have moved on because i dont want anyone to think i am struggling but each year it gets harder and harder and harder. i feel the emptiness and i feel his print on my family slowly erasing. my family members have relatively moved on and i wonder how? how can someone forget another person who meant the world to him.
i feel like life just went downhill after loosing him. i had a really bad experience in school, i had no support from my college and i cant ask for help at uni. i hate attending uni because i feel the emptiness everywhere i go. my dad was the one who put a smile on my face. we were like two peas in a pod and loosing him i felt like something inside me died. sometimes i WISH i could forget it all, i wish i could forget loosing him. but i cant. this feeling has been strengthened after i lost my aunt to cancer who was like a mother figure to me. i attached myself to her after my dad died. she was my support and when i lost her i felt the feelings come back again. i was feeling happy finally and then she died... how is that fair?
i am struggling to cope with any of this and i just wish there was someone in my life who understood my feelings without undermining me or getting angry at me. my dad and aunt were my happiness and after i lost them both i wish i was with them. i wish they never left me behind.
