Firstly i'd like to say thank you for replying. 

I'm so sorry to read about your parents. Like you, i just can't come to terms with how quickly it happens. I really do feel your pain.

Reading your message really struck a chord with me. It's not just the fact that we have lost our parents, it's the way we've lost them, it's devestating to witness the people we love most suffer like that. Words really can't explain...

When we're down, like now, it's comforting to know that your parents are there to have your back but now they're not it just leaves you with an emotion that i can only describe as heartbreak and lonliness. I have an incredibly partner, sister and friends who i can't thank enough but only the people that witnessed what we have can really understand.

How are you feeling today? I can relate to all your feelings. After Dad i know it does get more manageable to deal with but i just can't believe that we have to go through it all again in such a short space of time.

Look after yourself...we will get there. 

I have lost both my parents 15 years apart. It wasn't until my mothers own health changed due to a stroke that she began to miss him intently. The bravery of coping with living without him for so long began to crumble.  On the day she died she was asked by my sister if she would like to go to hospital - she replied- "Daddy wouldn't like it". They were devoted to each other. She knew she would see him that same day.

There has not been one day that I've not missed my parents unconditional love. kindness and hugs. They made mistakes ofcourse with some aspects of our rearing but I cannot point the finger - I'm just as culpable with my children.

Before my mother died, my eldest sister died of cancer within months of diagnosis. She was my second mother. Her loss was as loosing my mother. (A few years later my brother died suddenly.)  

I suggest that the pain - a physical pain for me - is that there is no sunstitute for true love. I've been married for many years but never has the love I felt and received from my parenrts been replaced. 

Part of what I've read here is that mentioned of the strenght of their Dads in stature. The 'wasting away' of a once muscular body as illness over took them. My once athletic proud dad was now a slight frail man, struggling to walk independently to the toilet. along a hospital corridor.

We remember being thrown into the air feeling total trust of being safely caught by them. As we age that becomes metaphorical but the emotion and stability of that asurance remains. 

My daddy was a war time parachutest. He was the tenderest bravest man I knew. I'd so love my dad to grab my husband by the scruff of the neck and dare him to be disrespectful to his daughter again. My Dad was never violent but he knew he could be if necessary to defend himself. Theres no one to bare my sorrows  or fight my corner. I only wish I had gone back home to them when he asked me to, as my mother did many years later. 

So if there is by chance someone reading this who has the option - don't hesitate to be loved and cherished while you can be. 

Hiya,

Thanks for your reply.

I am doing ok I guess, but really really missing my mum, I just want to talk to call her or feel her......I'm holding on the memory of her cheek on my cheek, a really warm feeling. Feeling a bit lost, can feel my anxiety kicking in. 
 

already I feel like people have stopped calling and asking and feel I should have moved on. 
 

some days better than others, how about you? I have a great husband, but he only knows through me how devastating this is, he has both his parents and also step parent!!!

I find it really hard to talk to my in laws, they just say all the wrong things, and also they didn't really know my parents so I get upset when they talk about them....they can't win to be honest.

it's tough. The rational part of me knows how worried and scared my mum was but also how brave and beautiful but selfishly I want her here but also know I wouldn't have wanted her to decline any further. 
 

I don't know about you but I found that when you are in That j tense place when you parent is dying or knowing they don't have long left ,you are with them day in day out, they are declining, you know this yet you don't want anyone to say how bad they are.....even though they are. Because it makes it real when you are holodong onto some sort of miracle that isn't going to happen...I don't know if I'm articulating what I mean.......

I totally get the 'can't believe we have to go through this again' and this time with no parental suppprt.

sorry I am going on, but feel free to message and know you are no alone in this. 
 

lots of love