I'm so sorry. I was pregnant when my mum was diagnosed with cancer. I found out about it on the same day I heard my daughter's heartbeat for the first time. Mum made it through three years of my daughter's life but I became pregnant a second time (a huge surprise as we had ivf to have our daughter) when she was terminal. She knew about my son but never met him. He is 14 months now and I miss her every single day. I think that, just as you say, it's alnost incomprehensible to face losing someone so important to you at the same time as welcoming a baby. I found sometimes that I almost forgot I was pregnant in the midst of caring for my mum as dhe died. At other times I almost resented being pregnant because it just felt like such a bad time to have to deal with it. All I can say is that somehow you will get through it. Contrary to what a lot of people want to think, a baby does NOT compensate for losing a parent. They are simply two major life events happening simultaneously and I really resented the way some people seemed desperate to have me focus on the happy event of a new baby and almost seemer to be want me to 'move on' from mum's illness and then death because of that. I felt I had no time to grieve mum, because my son was born four months after she died. It's only now, 18 months since her death that I am starting to feel able to examine some of the many emotions I buried at the time because there just wasn't the space then. So please do try if you're able to allow yourself to feel sadness / anger / pain even though you're pregnant. You matter just as much as your baby. But at the same time, try to enjoy the pregnancy where you feel able. I was so swept away by the gargantuan event of mum dying that my pregnancy almost passed without me noticing and I now find that quite sad. There is so much going on and a lot of it will feel very conflicting but know that whatever you're feeling is legitimate and necessary. And do take care of yourself. Again, easy to overlook if you're caring for a beloved parent and growing a new life. But you need all the love and tlc too. Good luck and lots of love.