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I can’t cope

jade.samantha
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My mum was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer in January this year it really is hard as we were two peas in a pod. 
my mum has raised me alone as my dad died when I was six weeks old and it has only ever been me and her. We did everything together and when I had my son (I am a single mother also) it was only me my mum and my son. We have only ever had one another and I was my mum's carer since I was 15 years old. She had a brain haemorrhage in 2014 and was told she would not make it through But she beat the odds and after months of intensive care and rehab she came back as strong as ever.

When my mum was diagnosed in January I thought she would pull through Because she always has done she has always been so strong. She moved in with me and my son and I looked after her and gave her all medication she needed, stayed up all night took her to hospital when needed and did everything for my mum and I don't regret any of those moments.

 My mum had to go into a hospice near the end and she died on my dad's anniversary so I believe he came to get her.

I cried for four days straight but I've been in denial, I kept busy with the funeral and week and organising the van to empty her flat but for the past 2 to 3 weeks it's now hitting me hard and I have not left the house I have continuous panic attacks, I'm scared of antidepressants and medications but I can't live like this anymore. I shake internally, I keep going to the toilet, I have headaches and off-balance I'm not sleeping well, I've lost weight my hair is falling out and I'm on edge with adrenaline every minute of every day I'm snapping at my boyfriend and son and I feel like a bad mother and partner.

Has anyone else felt like this has anyone else felt like this?

I have never lost anybody like this and I have never had a day go by that I have not seen or spoke to my mum I feel like I can't cope or do this without her I have hit rock bottom I hate how I physically feel and I am scared that I will end up admitted to hospital because of my mental health I'm scared about everything and feel I have lost myself I don't know how to cope please help. 

I'm scared of the feelings and scared of the off balance and panic attacks. I have no friends or family or support- 

mum on the list for CBT and bereavement but been told it's a 12-18 week wait

im stuck in my negative thoughts and obsessing about going crazy and fear of losing my mind 

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    I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry to hear of the anxiety attacks you are having.

    Having suffered from these in the past, I know how debilitating they can be. With our mind racing away from us, even the most simple physical task, such as putting one foot in front of another, becomes a challenge.

    And having been diagnosed with cancer twice in the last 4 years, I have had to test my ability to withstand these attacks. 

    I am not qualified to give you any advice, even if I had any to give, but I just wanted to reach out to you while you wait for one of the nurses to come along with some help.

    All I can do is tell you that you are not alone. There are many people out there who on the surface of it may be engaged in the performance of a quite ordinary task but who internally are clinging to a wreck, trying to ride out a raging storm.

    Bon courage.

    Tim

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    Hello jade.samantha, 

    I am so sorry to hear about everything you've been through recently and my thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I am so sorry for your loss. It does sound like your mum and you were very close and that she was there for you when you raised your son. Your bond was truly special and it must be hard for you to adjust to life without her by your side. It's incredible how in 2014 she survived this brain haemorrhage and that you were able to enjoy many more years with her. 

    It must all still be a shock to you. You looked after your mum so well and I am sure she really appreciated you being by her side in those tough moments. How moving that she died on your dad's anniversary. Being in denial after she passed away is a common occurence in the grieving cycle and you can read more about this in our page on coping with grief. You may go through a range of complex emotions and this is something many of our members who have recently lost a loved one will be able to relate to. 

    It sounds like the last few weeks have been particularly difficult for you. It would be a good idea to go back to the doctor's and explain how you've been feeling and be open to your GP's suggestions as they will have great experience dealing with other grieving patients and will know what will be best for you to help you cope during this difficult time. There is a useful page on the NHS website on how to get help with grief after bereavement or loss. So please do go back to your doctor's and give all the details on how you have been feeling recently physically and mentally. Stay on the list for CBT but as the wait is so long I am sure your doctor will have other suggestions in the meantime for you such as grief counselling for example. 

    Don't hesitate also to contact a bereavement organisation such as Cruse Bereavement Support. They have a helpline you could ring on 0808 808 1677. Support is available to help you get out of these obsessive thoughts you described so do reach out as you have done already by sharing your story on this forum. 

    I will now let other members of our forum come and share their story with you. Just like Tim who responded to you, they know exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through at the moment and it helps to talk to someone who understands deeply what you are going through. 

    We are all here for you and wanted you to know you are not alone. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator 

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    I suffered from panic attacks and all after my dad died a few years ago so I know how scary it can feel, I never took anything but in hindsight I wish I had to just take the edge of things - I've seen how well certain medication can help short term. You are not loosing your mind, or going crazy, but I'm sure it would help to get some professional help.

     

    im now in the process of losing my mum, pretty soon .....im

    starting to feel the things I did from my dads time ---- I'm trying to talk more about how I'm feeling ......I know it's going to be difficult!!!! I do t know how I'll cope, Except to take it one day at a time. Don't feel bad to reach out, you must! Take care and try to rest .

     

     

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    I am sorry you feel this way. Until any child (adult) has been told their parent has cancer I don't think people can even ever relate. Just know your feelings are completely normal stop the whole 'I'm not right' because at some point I've deffo felt that. Your not on your own. On the day of my mums diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer my dad (they had been divorced 10years) suffered a major heart attack. At that point I felt like I was losing everyone around me. Luckily my dad pulled threw. My mum didn't. I feel you. I am lost every day. I can't even begin to look at pictures of her of us and my mum wasn't the most maturnal mum but I miss her so much. Love to you xx

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