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Wife dying

Timbo1971
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Hello everyone, I've joined this forum as I'm feeling lost. My wife passed yesterday, she had stage 4 triple negative breast cancer that had also resulted in removal of a brain tumour in 2021. Unfortunatly two weeks ago we were told that no chemotherapy would help as she now had leptomeningel disease. She was in the local hospice for a week and passed yesterday. The only degree of comfort I have is that she is no longer on any pain as it was heartbreaking to see her like that, just awful. Myself and our daughter were with her when she went and I'm hoping that she could hear us and know we were with her in the room with her.

Im going to ask the hospice for some counselling for us both, I'm sure that my wife waited for our daughter to arrive before leaving. I was giving updates on how far away she was and I think that helped her wait as she had said to the nurses earlier that she had had enough and wanted to go. I just can't believe I won't see her again. Would she have heard us? I was with her all day, it's a bit of blur now but I was talking to her most of the time, telling her what I was doing, how I'd miss her and thankful that we had met. We had been married 25 years last month. Life if just so unfair.

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    Hi .... just want to say I'm so sorry.... cancer has no compation.... but please know your not alone ... there's so many of us having to face loss ... it's going to be a long hard road ... there's no easy way to grieve... but you'll always find someone here to hold your hand through it ...

    Sending a vertual hug... Chrissie.....

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    So sorry to read this

    I'm sure your wife knew you where both there with her .

    Its very early days yet to take in what's happened but you will cope ️
    sending a hug x

  • Hello Timbo1971

    I wanted to post on behalf of the whole Cancer Chat moderation team to offer you and your daughter our condolences on the loss of your wife yesterday. Life can indeed be so incredibly unfair. 

    Undoubtedly this will be a difficult time for you both. We've many members here on the forum who have lost loved ones and will have some understanding of what you are both going through. I'm sure that some of them will post to offer their support and advice with you over the coming days. 

    Asking for counselling is a good idea and I know that many of our members have benefitted from bereavement support. Know that the Cancer Chat community is here any time you want to chat, offload or ask questions Timbo1971. 

    Thinking of you both at this sad time, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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    Hello to you and your Daughter and sending you a huge big hug.

    I know its not the same as losing a partner, but I lost my Father last November to "Prostate Cancer" and I feel that I have lost a limb, we were so close and it was so difficult seeing him crying because he knew he was dying, it was the worse feeling of helplessness.

    I was so grateful that I was able to spend time with him on the afternoon before he passed away, he was  unconcious but I talked to him and told him a funny story and told him how much I loved him and he opened his eyes so I knew he could hear me so I am sure your wife could hear you too as the hearing is the last thing to go.

    What I find is a good distraction is to visulise all the times when you were growing up and all your childhood memories and everything that happened before you met your wife and when you are coping better to visulise when you first met your wife and all the good times that you had but for now its so too raw.

    Try this tonight and let me know if it helps you. Sincere condolences to you both. hugs and more hugs

  • Offline in reply to Tashawood3434

    Thank you everyone. It's only been two days and tonight both of us were struggling to eat our tea as we were in tears. I keep running through the last few days and asking myself if I did enough, did I say enough, I'm sure I did but it's all a bit of a blur. Perhaps it will clear a bit in time. I've said to my daughter, remember the good times before this, the fun and laughter and remember your mum that was as that is what she would want. Think of the specifics where we had days out (or in) with lots of fun and love.

    Goimg to try to sort a bit of admin tomorrow as that needs to start doesn't it. It's just really horrible.

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