Hello.... I would love to connect with people that are going through the loss of a loved one. I was my dad's Carer for many years.

My dad had advanced (stage 4) throat cancer and I lost him in traumatic circumstances through the after-effects of the cancer. He could no longer swallow safely and needed to get a stomach peg fitted. I lost my dad in November 2021 and still haven't come to terms with it. My dad refused in Octover 2020 to get a stomach peg fitted, even though he was aspirating all his food and liquids, He decided he wanted a good quality of life and live the rest of his life on his terms. He was tested at the time, a swallow test - the speech & language therapist confirmed my dad was aspirating everything. He was seriously ill in hospital with aspiration pneumonia at the time. 

My dad had battled stage 4 throat cancer, five years previously, where he had an NG nasal feeding tube fitted for 8 months - and my dad didn't want to go through that again. My dad told me at the time that he would prefer to put his head in the sand, and not face the prospect of dying. 

My dad died of aspiration pneumonia in November 2021. (2 weeks after he had his stomach peg fitted - which was too late). 

I feel angry with life... and guilty as well...

Is there anyone else that feels like this and is going through this? My family and friends don't understand, as they haven't experienced this.

xx