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Bereavement

Sweater1940
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Hi I'm new to this chat only posted once, my mum died 7 months ago from cancer/heart failure and I'm really struggling with loosing her. I'm not a very strong person and do suffer with depression and no self worth a lot so my metal health not good right now my husband isn't a lot of help really never been good at comforting me with anything don't get me wrong he is a wonderful husband and father but just doesn't know what to say to help. I'm struggling with the last week of mum being in hospice she was the kindest sweetest mum but sometimes she said things that put me down and hurt me and I took it really bad one day and ended up telling her I never wanted to be born anyway as I was a result of my dad rapeing her and she took that bad and was really nasty to me anyway sorry going on the thing I'm trying to say is after reading about anger when near death I realise she was at the end of her life as 4 days later she died and now I'm struggling to live with how things was left as wasn't with her when she died as it happened suddenly. I'm not the kind of person that can speak to a councillor so thought maybe could get advice on here.

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    Hi,

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your Dear Mum. 7 months is such a short time I think in this awful journey of bereavement, I lost my Mum 3 months ago. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and others it feels like years. The whole situation with my Mum being diagnosed with cancer, what she suffered, seeing her in pain and dying has left me traumatised so I can completely understand on a mental health level that you are struggling with everything. My partner doesnt think about it all like I do, it was our Mums so I guess we are feeling everything directly and they are not. 

    Try not to focus on what your Mum said to you in the hospice, she was struggling herself with her health and possibly knowing she was near the end of her life, she was struggling and those closest get their frustrations and fear. You were the one she could be herself with, she said things in moments of possible fear, pain, anger, frustration, regret and many more emotions that we can't possibly know. Your Mum knew you loved her and you know she loved you, thats all that matters. You were both going through an awful ordeal, things can be said in a moment but not meant literally. You were there for her and honestly this means the world.

    I'm here if you need to talk as are many others that will completely understand your feelings and thinking. Take care and remember none of us are perfect, we can only try our best.

    Jane x

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