Dad dying of cancer soon - anticipation grief

Hello everyone

not too sure what I'm doing posting here or if I'll get a reply but I just wanted to share my story and maybe take comfort in people who have found themselves in similar situations.

My dad (62) was diagnosed with stage 4 ascending colon cancer in 2018. In the past 4 years he's been through 2 rounds of chemo, 2 cycles of radiotherapy and 3 surgery's to try and combat the disease. Recently he'd been having a lot of Gastrointestinal problems whilst having radiotherapy on a brain met so he went in for a scan and they've found it's aggressively spread around the body showing uncountable lesions in his liver and lungs.
 

They've given him a few weeks at most and I'm really struggling with dealing with this. It was always, over the last 4 years a distant thought. Now we're faced with the reality that it's coming soon, watching him and all my family accept there's no hope is heartbreaking. Conversations from yesterday ( the day they told him it's spread ) such as "at least you know your loved" and "nobody could have fought as hard as you" have broke me to my core and the anticipation grief is really kicking in. 
 

how are you supposed to deal with having no how and just accept this? My dads a medical man and has been fighting a researching throughout, so he's struggling and terrified now there is no hope. It's hard to see such an intelligent strong man so weak and scared. 
 

anyway, thanks for reading, I hope if you're reading this and have been through anything similar , you're at peace.

<3

  • Hello Jamal, I believe we do grieve sometimes long before the final days or weeks to prepare us for what's ahead. What's helping me deal with the death of my mum recently is doing things that she would want or need to do herself but cannot. If that's telling family members or comforting my sister and staying strong for her that's what I'm doing. It's all a huge roller coaster of emotions through out. Most importantly is to be kind to yourself too, please do this while doing what you feel is needed. I wish you and your family peace 

  • I'm so sorry for you. I am going through the exact same thing now. Told today that he has weeks at the most and he completely took it in from the doctor and understood everything. Me, my sister, brother and mam were all there on the room. He has a hospital bed in the living room and has been in it for 5 weeks now as he is bed bound. Lung cancer that has spread and he's had 5 chemo sessions that have gave him no quality of life since march. It's awful to have to watch. He seems like he only has days at most really as he's deteriorating more by the day. Your post has really helped me and made me realise how many other people have to put up with this evil disease. Hope you are coping better now and best wishes to you and your family xx