Hi Annie.  What you are feeling is part of the grieving process.  Two years is still very early days where grief is concerned.  When we lose some we love we always think that we didn't do enough for them.......we think we could have been kinder, more attentive, more caring, more successful........as in your case, you feel that you should have done more to make your Dad proud of you.  You feel sad because your Dad isn't here to see how you have got in to university, and in many ways you feel that you have been cheated..........you have every right to feel this way Annie.  All of us who have lost a parent can relate to what you are going through.  I nursed my mum through cancer.  She died 25 years ago, but there have been so many times over the years where I have thought, "if only my mum could be here to see this".  Try not to feel disappointed in yourself Annie.........you are not the only person who spent their teens and early 20s drifting around and not really knowing what they want from life.  I know what I am talking about because I was one of those people.  I am sure that your Dad meant it when he told you he was proud of you.  I think that we sometimes under-estimate the strength and the depth of our parents love.  The love of a REAL mother and father is unconditonal.  They love you warts and all.  What you are feeling and going through will pass, I promise you.  You don't get over losing someone you love......you get through it...............there is a void left in our lives when we lose a parent, and it is an emptiness that no-one else can fill, but eventually, you learn to live with it, and your life goes on.  You will be happy again Annie, truly you will,  and good luck with Uni, Violet, x