It has been almost three years since my father passed away. It was his birthday yesterday. I cried a bit on the day and took a couple days off. It's been an odd week for me. 

After a few days worth of depression and mostly numbness, I am trying to take the mental headspace to evaluate my thoughts and emotions. 

Almost three years post death, it is easier, but still hard in different ways. I don't cry everyday anymore and don't think of the traumatic circumstances of the death everyday anymore. Instead, I am more able to think of my dad as he was, throughout my childhood and happy memories. At the beginning of grieving, the only way i could think about my dad was how he was when he was dying. It was visceral and raw at that time, but it does get easier. 

It is important to remember that healing is not a straight line akin to a Roman road which has been travlled for millenia. Healing is an untravelled and overgrown landscape with no discernible path. 

My Dad was a kind, gentle, funny, charismatic, sensitive, logical, generous, complex and intelligent man. He showed me unconditional love, which is something that not all have experienced. I was a troublemaker in my teenager years and he was alway there for me. There are a lot of people who don't exprience that in this life. I will forever be greatful for having him in my life, although he was taken too soon.