Hi there,

I'm very much struggling with the sudden loss of my best friend, my soul mate, my granda 

I lost my granda 3 weeks ago and at the beginning I had my bad days or sometimes my day was filled with bad hours and 'okay' hours, however, they say time heals but I feel that my feelings of grief have got worse, the sadness, the anger, the emptiness, the feeling of being lost are just constant. I have not stopped crying all week. I don't know how to cope.

My granda had tonsil cancer, which was 'cured' and we were told it hadn't spread, then at his PET scan it had shown it was everywhere in the liver and he had months to live. Within days of this shocking news he took a major stroke and because he didn't have many months left they stopped all treatment and removed his NG tube and let him go (although he started getting his swallowing back, he was eating soft food, he was talking more and able to move, fully coherent - which he wasn't when he first took the stroke, so he was making baby steps to have it all taken away from him) It was so traumatic. 
 

He was a fit enough, active, independent 74yo. 
 

I just feel my sadness is becoming 24/7 and my anxiety is creeping up along with my deep grief and I don't know how I will cope. I miss him so so much.

I'm also an oncology nurse and I just cannot bare to think of working right now. I'm just so heartbroken and cannot seem to accept he is gone or bring myself to pretend to do normal things because everything is but normal.