I honestly don't know if i should post this. i dont know if this is the right place for me because its been so long.

Its coming up to his anniversary in a few weeks and I'm struggling.

I was three when my dad passed away. im now 17.

14 years is such a long time and i feel almost guilty for missing him when i barely knew him. But it seems like now I'm coming up to my A levels and going off to uni i feel like I'm properly coming to terms with it. Just the fact that he isn't here, no matter how long its been. it isnt like it was recently, or even a few years ago. I just get overwhelmed with these huge waves of numbness and sadness and I don't know what to do. i think maybe i was too young to have dealt with it properly, and that over the years its slowly built up. 

I think I just need someone to talk to, someone who understands but who isn't my mum or my brother. they knew him far better than I did and I don't want to make them sad as well.

am i a bit ridiculous for being so upset about it?

sorry and thanks for listening.