Just wanted to say I am sorry you have lost your husband and you still feel in that dark place so many of us are feeling right now. I am only 6 weeks since the most important person in my world passed away and your 4 years into that awful path without them and you are still feeling devastated. Are you getting any additional support? Counselling? GP? Please reach out to others like on here because we all need support to get us through this awful path of life without someone we were devoted to.
I am considering Counselling. I know it won't change the facts but I guess it may help me make sense of it all. Grief and heartbreak may always stand next to us in life but I hope in the future you will find light in the darkness as shall I. I hope we both find some light, some moments of joy and some moments of happiness mixed in with the saddness that the people we loved most are no longer by our side to share those moments with us. There is always a path through this dark place, we will never stop feeling sad, remembering them, feeling heartbreak about their passing and the loss of them but I do believe there has to be times in the future where life brings us a glimmer of light and hope again because I know they would have wanted us to feel happy again because they loved us as much as we loved them.
Jane, such an emotive reply, this is my fifth month without Norman, although I still have his ashes in our beloved conservatory where we had many a natter and many a snooze during chemotherapy and immunotherapy but I could keep a beady eye on him then now it's just a box of ashes with his name on. But each day I get stronger and being in a dark place all the time is not what he or I wanted so as you say we have to have a glimmer of hope. Mine are my family, my three grandchildren who hate seeing me sad, my friends who have supported me every step of the way even when they've had losses in their family. Maybe I'm lucky, Norman and I never made it just about we two, we led a happy healthy life, apart when we had hobbies to follow, friends to see, together where we nattered, laughed, very rarely cried and blessed with a family that loved us regardless of what was going on. So please Horsewithnoname try and look at the bigger picture and make sure you live a more content life without your lovely husband, it's such a waste to not live what we have left, Norman fought every inch of the way to stay in this world and so will I. . Take care all of you, Carol x
Thank you for your message. I have read many of your posts and I almost feel like I know your husband Norman through your descriptions of your life which is lovely to read although obviously so terribly sad and heartbreaking because of what you both went through and the loss you now feel without him.
Thats the thing I am finding so difficult and mind blowing about death, as you say once you were both nattering and snoozing in your conservatory (which I get a lovely image of you both even though I don't know what Normal looked like) and now its Norman's box of ashes with his name on. Its all and nothing. I have Mum's ashes in an Urn, I chose a beautiful blue and copper handmade one, really sturdy with 3 white birds in flight (it is titled "Going Home") which made me think of my Mum, my partner and I being the 3 birds and Mum loved birds too. I have placed her Urn in her bedroom on her dressing table next to framed photos. We would chat every morning in her bedroom as for the last few years I brought her breakfast in bed on a tray and I would have mine on the nearby chair and we would chat for an hour or so, it was lovely. Every night I would pop in to say goodnight and tell her I loved her so her bedroom holds so many special happy memories. Now nothing but those memories.
Its so nice that you say you were both lucky because you had each other but also many friends and family too. Its your connections to others that will help you get those glimmers of hope back into your life and I really believe Normal will be with you sharing everything its just we can't see them.
When I think of my Mum battling the affects of cancer, the treatment and covid all to stay alive for her but also as much for me I feel how can I just give up on life? That would be disrespectful to my Mum. Mum loved life, appreciated life and most of all wanted me to be happy. Now I have her legacy to make sure I make something of my life and find those special moments. I will always feel sad and heartbroken but I really won't give up on life. As you mentioned Norman fought to stay so did my Mum and so must we. I hope we can all reach out to each other with support and care because some of us need extra kindness.
Horsewithnoname life is dark for me right now, this afternoon I went out for a walk with my dog and I noted how life continues regardless of what we feel, the sun breaking through the clouds, the flowers, the green fields, life continues and it is really hard because it almost feels like life should pause because our life has come to an abrupt halt with losing someone. I felt slightly better after having a walk. I always use to call out to my Mum when I came home from a walk, sometimes I still call out to her.
