I lost my dad almost 2 months ago due to heart failure and I had to fly back home the next day , I wasn't able to even see him for few years I blame myself for not coming back home for holidays , my mom left 12 y ago run away with other man and my dad went into depression and drinking started recently maybe 3 or so years ago , his health gone bad and he had heart attack twice , my mother is evil , when I received message from my brother that my dad just died minutes after he died he texted me , I thought I will die my whole body went numb I had plans to go home summer and surprise him with his 1 y old grandchild that he haven't met yet and after hearing that he died my whole life just broke into Pieces I wanted to die that moment, I went back home and I did not get messages from my mother about sorry for your loss etc , she said to my aunt I hope that corpse burns in hell , how can someone be so cruel, my dad never did anything bad to her or raised hands or abused her in any way , I've been dying inside for 2 months and not accepting that he will never text me or never asks about my day , I loved him so much , I had bad days where I begged god to take me and bring him back , I really don't know how to live I'm struggling so much it hurts , I cry every single day for 2 months straight