Grieving before he has gone

My dad has pancreatic cancer which has metastasis to his liver. He also lives on the other side of the world from me. 
 

I go home and see him often but recently I have been grieving before he is even gone. The friends that I speak to have a hard time understanding now I feel and try to help me by saying 'just appreciate the time you have with him' and 'everyone does for eventually, at least you have time to be there with him and it won't be sudden'. I know that these are said with the best intentions but I can't help but feel like nobody understands.

Im sure that there are people here who know what it feels like to be in this situation and I am hoping that if you do, you can share with me how you navigated these really hard feelings. I feel like since the day we found out he was sick, I haven't been able to breath properly and a really dark cloud will forever be with me. Life will never ever be as it was before and I don't want to feel alone in this anymore.

  • Hello Courtney, so sorry about your Dad.  It is perfectly natural for you to feel the way you do.  It might seem like your friends are being a bit heartless, but the truth is Courtney, they probably don't know what else to say to you.  They are not going through what you are going through.  The reality of life is this:  Until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you will never understand what they have been through or what they are feeling and thinking.  I lost both of my parents when I was still quite young, and you are absolutely right when you say that life is never the same again..........HOWEVER, what I can tell you Courtney is that the dark cloud hanging over you will eventually lift and your life will start again.  The best advice I can give you Courtney is to cry whenever you want to.........don't hold your grief in, let it out.  Tell your Dad how much you love him........in fact, tell him everything that you need to say to him.  Tell him thow much he means to you.  Good luck mate, much love, Violet, xxx