Firstly I would like to say how deeply sorry I am to hear you have lost your beloved Dad and you had to experience seeing him in such distress, I know how these images can traumatise us. I lost my Mum 16th May from Covid Pneumonia with Lung cancer as an additional complication. We thought Mum was coming home in a few days as she was responding to the antibiotics then Covid peaked again and she was just too unwell to recover. The last day we never left her side and I witnessed her suffering and distress, her knowledge that she knew she was probably dying and how scared she was to leave us and life. I do know how you are feeling right now, I really do. My partner and myself lived with my Mum for the last 8 years and prior to this Mum and I worked together in my business for 10 years, we were best friends, she was my life I was her life.

I can only say what I feel to you. I know these awful images and the knowledge we have of the days and hours leading up to their passing will always be with us, we can't erase what we witnessed. In time I believe we will start to focus on the happier memories of before they became so unwell, our memories of the love we shared together will come more into the forefront of our minds but it is simply too early days right now for this to happen, their passing is to fresh to ease off. I can only focus hour by hour right now, the bigger picture would make it impossible for me to continue and I think hour by hour or day by day is a good kind way for us to walk this lonely path without them. We are never going to be the same person as we were before they went from our lives. I always said to my Mum there will be a Jane when I had you in my life and a Jane after you leave me and I won't ever be the same as before.

Hold on to the love you gave each other, the bond between you, the knowledge that they 100% want you to continue to be happy one day and live the best life for yourself and THEM. Take their strength and courage they showed and take it with you in life. Grief is never going to be easy, how can we love someone with all our heart and then not be devastated when they go? If you love with all your heart then you feel sadness that represents that. I just want to speak to her again, hold her, hug her, see her and it kills my heart that I can't. I'm trying to give you my words of hope yet I don't know if I can even continue without my own parent.

Please contact me again if you feel you need to talk because I am also struggling, we are not alone in our grief, I share your pain I really do.x