Hi love, I lost my husband of 52 years three months ago after a long battle with lung cancer, so I know exactly how you are feeling.  No little chat when you come home, no coffee made for me, being told how lovely I look and you know the rest, it's so lonely.  But I think he is now out of his pain and his life was so limited that he wanted to die, you live a life for me he told me, so that's what I'm trying to do.  It's not easy and your thoughts do go in the wrong direction, we aren't going to be over it in a few months.  Just be kind to yourself and realise that these alone days will become our normal, even if it's not what we want.  Hop on my thread or ask for a private message and I'll reply to you.  Keep posting and people will respond.  Hugs your way, Carol