I lost my dad to lung cancer a couple of days after Christmas, it's been 3 months and I am just sinking deeper and deeper. All people say to me is, it takes time, it gets better, what can you do to distract yourself, it infuriates me!

Im 39 ( he won't see my 40th in 2 months and I won't either), my dad was 63, robbed of the rest of his life, he hadn't even retired. 
Im an only child, no parents now, no partner, my friends don't understand and I can go days without so much as a message or a phone call from anywhere. My phone is perminantly switched off now. I have 2 children and I can no longer be a mum to them anymore because I am crushed by sadness and loneliness. I have absolutely no one. I'm pathetic.

Sometimes I get so angry with my Dad and shout, I'll never forgive you for dying and leaving me on my own. People say, he's up there guiding you, yeah right, if he was everything wouldn't be such a mess. It's obvious now that when you die that is it, there's no nothing. I often think I must of been a terrible daughter and now I am being punished.

I don't even know why I'm writing this post, I've no one to talk to and nobody cares anyway