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My mum has secondary cancer

Stephandwillow
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I have just been told the news my mum has secondary liver and bine cancer. She had a ct during a trip to a&e when it was discovered so it was actually found by chance. We don't have any other details at the moment. I am completely devastated. My dad died when i was a child and as a result I've always been very close to my mum but also feared her death. I don't know how to cope or how to stay positive around her. I have s daughter who is 5 months and the thought thst she won't get to know her granny properly breaks my heart. I'm really looking for support. I feel i will very quickly become a burden to those around me because of how I'm handling it. Does anyone know of anywhere else I can receive support with what I'm experiencing? I just can't imagine life without her. 

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    Dear Stephandwillow

    just joined the cancer chat forum now and seen your post and sense the huge shock you are reeling from at this out of the blue diagnosis for your dear Mum ... so very sorry to read this. My husband diagnosed 2 and half years ago with colorectal cancer and secondaries every segment liver ... there is support out there and take it ... counselling support telephone line on this excellent centre and I think best information website for many questions ....MacMillan and Marie Curie excellent cancer support too ... if you have a Maggie Centre near you a charity supporting those With cancer and their families ... a drop in centre where there are wonderful people to talk to on all aspects of coping with diagnosis, treatment and it may be hard to believe learning to live alongside cancer with many coping strategies which help make the very most of the time we have. Living with not knowing what next is a huge challenge but once a treatment and care plan is underway there is structure which oddly feels like we doing something. Your hospital may have a counselling support unit? And talking talking to friends ... once the initial panic calms a little you don't find a way to get stuck in doing what you can and dealing with this huge blow a day at a time ... you can set up a relationship with a local hospice at the right time for support on many levels for mum and you and the family and it is not just end of life care at all ... we have already though hope a good way off anything end life... they are places of enormous experience to help along the way ... which so important. When you find out what plan is for Mum's care and treatment it will help and such treatments can push back the tide very well please God. You probably know all this and your little daughter will bring much joy and happy distraction along the way ... our now nearly three year old grand daughter is such a life force she brings much happiness and a lot of laughter too.at initial shock of this news hard to think straight but there will be groups, centres where you feel less alone working out how to handle this emotional anguish and you will have good happy times along the way

    judt saw your night time post and wanted to send love and prayers for you all   

     

  • Offline in reply to Valediction

    Thank you so much for your reply valediction. I did wonder if it would just get lost as I imagine these forums can get busy. I think you've captured it perfectly - I'm just in total shock and being the emotional person I am that just comes at as tears and the same thoughts and questions over and over again. My partner keeps telling me to look on the bright side and that i need to enjoy the time I have with her. To me there is no bright side but I know he is right that i need to enjoy my time with her. I'm just so scared of what I'm to feel and how much I'm going to miss her already that it's clouding every rational thought. My partner keeps his emotions inside and finds it hard to deal with mine. It sounds like there is support out there so I will definitely seek that out. 

  • Offline in reply to Stephandwillow

    Dear Stephandwillow

    of course you are highly emotional and tearful at the moment and just know that it's completely normal and it's important to acknowledge all of the feelings that you are feeling

    it's not negative to do do ; it it's just feeling sadness and grief or anticipation of the grief to come but it will become manageable somehow ...it just does and you get small and huge joys and satisfactions out of so many things that you might not have yet done together or talked about together along the way… The big question is how long have we got and of course none of us know that… But with treatment hopefully it will be much longer than you fear… Just remember it's okay to be sad it's okay to cry it's okay to be frightened and give your feelings a voice  and then do what you can do on a day-to-day basis ... I do recall the words I had from a counsellor at the Maggie Centre which was that after the initial shock you start to learn to live alongside cancer and it is always there and part of reality but it doesn't always fill the whole screen might get parked to the side  or on the cloud and you will find your way 

    We all deal with these enormous things in our own way and we are human so don't beat yourself up in anyway that you are overwhelmed by this situation right now… We are all stronger than we know and I send you again love and very very Best wishes from Mum and for you all especially today

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