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Why mum? Why me? Please come back to me

Rainbowsandbutterflys
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Mum passed away 2 months ago, And I just don't know what to do! Everyday is now getting harder  and all I want us Mum back.

Mum I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, I feel numb, I feel relieved your not in pain, I'm sad I just need a hug from you and for you to tell me that I have had a bad dream.

Mum I'm 33 this month and I need you, I need you to tell me it'll be OK.

I need a sign just something so I know you are doing OK. Mum why do I feel guilty if I smile, If I cry.

You taught ne right from wrong, raised us, kept us strong, We are no longer a strong 4 only a 3.

You were the glue that stronger leg. We feel empty, lost.

MUM please just come home to me, one last time please take my hand and tell me you'll be fine, you'll survive.

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    Hey hunni, 

     

    i lost my dad 4 months ago, and your right... its getting harder not easier and i dint know why i feel guilty smiling even thinking about it chokes me up. 
     

    i know i cant say anything comforting right now, like u too it just seem fair! Why our parents, why anyones parents *** sake... why anyone!!! Xx

  • Offline in reply to Kirsta1986

    Mornng [@Kirsta1986]‍ ,

    Thank you for your reply. :-)

    I'm so sorry for you loss and i hope you find talking about feelings, emotions comforting.


    I've found myself back at work and although work are being extremley supportive i can't help feel that people seem to almost be avoiding me like they don't know what to say or even how to react which infact makes me feel worse. have you had that? :-( 

    Sometimes even just a how are you doing? Do you need to chat (even if i don't want to) even someone just reaching out will almost give me some sort of "Normality" You know even though i do have support from Family & Friends why do i still feel so alone?

     

    My Mum was my "BEST FRIEND" and that has literally been stripped away from me, Even simple tasks like cooking dinner i'm finding difficult. I would ring her up and say "MUMMM why is my bread dough so sticky, or MUM..... how do i make this, what shall i add to that? Yes we have the likes of online recipies but it just felt right to ask her, get her involved and now that's all gone! :-( 

    My mind is racing right now, Could i have done something sooner, Why didnt i spot the signs, Will it happen to someone else, Mum's never going to see grandchildren, see me get married :-(
    The guilt is literally eating me up.

    xxx

      

  • Offline in reply to Rainbowsandbutterflys

    [@Rainbowsandbutterflys]‍ 

     

    honestly i get that, people are scared to approach me and ask how im doing, on the glip side some people believe i should be ok now but this just adds to the whole you havent lost someone that close to this awful disease. 

    my dad and i were like tao peas in a pod, everyday together, he was my absolute world i miss his face so much so i know your feeling, that little thing that happens and the first person yoh would call is no longer there pffft, i just want to hug him one more time though i doubt id let go, i coukd barely let go of him when they came to the house to collect him ready flr the morgue i wasnt ready to let hik go i dont think i will have ever been ready. 
     

    you cant feel guilty about not picking up the signs, dad was 60 was easy to put the aches and pains down to age you know, i do think more than could have been done treatment wise but thats a whole other story! 
     

    xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Kirsta1986

    Hiya, I'm in a similar situation to you, I am 34 with 2 young children and lost my mum 2 weeks ago. She battled Pancreatic Cancer for almost 5 years. Everyone was so amazed at how hard she fought we almost thought she would keep fighting forever but unfortunately she couldn't fight any more. My kids keep asking where nanny is and I don't know what to say to them. I'm trying to make sure my dad is Ok, I'm back at work but can't concentrate on anything apart from my mums face on the day we lost her, and picturing her lying cold in a mortuary. We have another month to wait until her funeral which Im dreading, the funeral directors have just collected her. On top of everything we have been told we have to move our landlord is selling our home which I really can't deal with right now! So angry and numb at the same time! 

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