Bereavement - blaming myself for husband's death

My husband died Tuesday 8th February after a long battle with cancer. 
Before he was admitted to the Hospice he kept on saying to me once he is in the hospice he won't come out. He was concerned that they would give him medication that would encourage him to die quicker. I tried to explain to him the medication is to control his pain. But he was adamant that was not true. 
He did have two Syringe drivers for pain control. He became agitated so they added a two sedatives to the syringe driver. He then was in a deep coma like sleep for three days, then he died.

 I am now confused, did I do the right thing in agreeing to sedation. 
I am now blaming myself for his death. I miss him so much, and we will nevever have those last three days back.

Parents
  • Hi Teressa1, my husband died 24th January after many years of lung cancer, he came home on the 19th from hospital and was in agony for the next five days but no one would put the driver in as they said he had longer left to live.  Those days were awful for him and my two daughters and me as I was left alone with him begging to be allowed to die.  So please don't blame yourself, I wish I had begged harder for him to be sedated but it really is a guessing game near the end, no one knows really what or how it will happen.  Like me I'm sure you did everything you could and we are suffering and grieving and should no way blame ourselves for the death of our wonderful husbands.  If you want to message me privately please do, it's an awful time and I'm totally lost and alone without him. Sending my thoughts and condolences, Carol x

Reply
  • Hi Teressa1, my husband died 24th January after many years of lung cancer, he came home on the 19th from hospital and was in agony for the next five days but no one would put the driver in as they said he had longer left to live.  Those days were awful for him and my two daughters and me as I was left alone with him begging to be allowed to die.  So please don't blame yourself, I wish I had begged harder for him to be sedated but it really is a guessing game near the end, no one knows really what or how it will happen.  Like me I'm sure you did everything you could and we are suffering and grieving and should no way blame ourselves for the death of our wonderful husbands.  If you want to message me privately please do, it's an awful time and I'm totally lost and alone without him. Sending my thoughts and condolences, Carol x

Children