Hello Azia

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost a loved one last July. Grief is a natural pross but it can be devastating and leave us with many overwhelming thoughts and feelings to deal with. 

We've many members here on the forum who will understand some of what you've been experiencing and I hope that some of them will reply to share their advice and support with you. 

You don't mention in your post if you've had any bereavement support since your loss. If you haven't then I'd really encourage you to look into talking with someone. Cruse is an organisation that is able to offer bereavement support. I know many of our members have found that having a safe space to talk in has been invaluable on their journey with grief. 

Keep in touch with us here Azia if it helps to post on the forum. We'll do our best to support you. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator