Hello,

Just read your message and I wanted to say how sorry I was to know that you have so very very sadly lost (hate that word 'lost' but don't really know what else is appropriate) your dear Mum coming up a year ago. My Mum is still with me, she is 86 years old and diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday in her right lung and lymph nodes (left nodes clear they are not sure of something in left lung), waiting for possible PET Scan and appointment with Oncologist now (feel sick waiting as worried cancer is growing all that time). I have thought of nothing else since they started to talk about possible cancer with Mum of thinking of losing her and how I will cope with the pain. My partner and I have lived with Mum for past 7 years, she is my best friend and my life (I have no children unfortunately so I guess she has helped to fill that big void). I just don't know if we ever get over losing someone so loved but we have to find a way of dealing with it and adjusting very slowly, it was reassuring to hear that you felt perhaps you were turning a corner, although it is completely understandable to know now it is approaching that date you are feeling overwhelming feelings of immense saddness. How do we accept we will never see that loved one again in this life? It's an answer I am scared to focus on right now. I'm trying so hard to think we will be together again after this life but it is not helping right now. I think the sadness will always come and go in waves, sometimes less, sometimes immense, I have read people saying they have to just go day by day, not think beyond that. You asked if this is normal and I really think it is, I do not think what you are describing is abnormal in any way. Thinking of you and again I am so sorry you are going through this.

Jane

Thank you for your kind reply and support. The waiting is hard because we are all aware nothing is physically attempting to halt/shrink this awful cancer whilst we wait for appointments and further tests. May I ask what cancer your Mum had? Don't worry if you do not wish to say...completely understand. Hoping you have support to get you through the date that is approaching and beyond. Sending a big hug. Take care. xxx

The waiting is really, really hard, and I think, many people may or may not agree with this, but once you know what you're dealing with and what the plan is, it takes away that part of the anxiety of it as your mind is probably going into absolute overdrive at the moment I would imagine. 

Of course I don't mind sharing at all, if it helps you. My mum was diagnosed very, very late with stage 4 lung as the primary, but it had spread to quite a few other places unfortanately, including bones and she also spinal cord compression, so her prognosis was never going to be very good, and I think we knew that when she was admitted into hospital. She had beento  the GP numerous times during lockdown, but was misdiagnosed over and over again. She was only 55 :( 

Let me know how you get on with your mum, I'll be thinking of you. Feel free to add me and send me a message privately if you'd prefer.

XXX

Hi Newlife

I personally dont think we ever really get over losing our mothers as they played such a vital role in our lives. We do however learn to live our lives our lives without our loved ones. 

I lost mine several years ago and I still miss her.

I think that sometimes it does effect us more as time goes by as we realize how much we have lost. I know this happened to me so I do understand what you are saying.

Wishing you all the best, Brian

Hi [@Newlife101]‍ , not sure when you will be back on here and if you see this post. Not sure if you remember me, we kind of chatted a lot about our beautiful mums we lost around the same time. I came on here as I was having a down day today and saw your post. I also struggled at the 1st year mark, I honestly wished I had come on here as I think it would have helped, but my head was in the clouds and had forgotten all about this forum. I have thought about you on occasion over the last year, you did really help me at the time. Im ever so greatful for that. I'm  just hoping that you have coped well and managing to move on the bets you can. I Just wanted to send my thoughts and love your way. Xxxx