Hiya,

I understand you 100% on this first of all though I am so sorry that your dad had to go through this horrible nasty illness & for yourself too.

I also went through it with my mum she was diagnosed with secondary brain cancer and 3 months later the worst happened and took everything away from me.

I went through exactly the same care wise with my mum day and night and that's the only tiny bit of comfort now the fact I got to spend every last minute with her which wasn't easy at times but I wanted it no other way at all it was the least she deserved after everything she ever done for me & the love she give me.

my mum like your dad was everything and is everything and forever will be my everything to me. I totally understand you there will never ever be a love like there's and this is what we crave because we have been so fortunate in our lives to have such an amazing loving parent & this is why we're hurting so much I believe anyway.

Exactly what your going through I feel every single part of it, I can imagine you have already been told this but have you looked into the stages of grief? It's like the shock & denial part is why you feel so numb and don't want to believe it etc.

I haven't got anyone to speak to about things so I find that forums and sharing my experience gets a lot of my chest so you have done amazing to reach out and please if you ever want to chat feel free to drop me a message.

xx

Thank you so much for getting back to me. I'm waiting to hear from Cruse but it's taking weeks and I just feel I'm getting worse not better. I'm so happy I found this forum and can voice my thoughts.

I'm so very sorry what happened to your mum and what you must of gone through. I truly haven't known pain like this. I agree with you I'm so happy I was there for my dad every step of the way it broke my heart but I wouldn't of changed it. He wanted to be at home and comfortable and I did my utmost to make that happen. 

Unfortunately in the week leading up to the end he was in such pain, yelling out, then he started to be more unable to focus, in and out of consciousness and he looked straight through me at times like I was a stranger but I knew he was still in there. He was still my dad, my hero I held his hand to the end, the nurses tried their best to keep him comfortable but I think the pain got too out of control. I find myself having constant flashbacks now. 

Thank you so much for replying to me if you need to talk I'm here for you too. 

- Holly x

Ahh bless am so sorry it's proper dreadful & it literally makes you feel so helpless but honestly your dad would of been so proud of you & I try to tell myself this not that it works but I no we done everything possible. 

yeah I have heard of cruse I haven't contacted them meself but i hear you its difficult when your really struggling and your waiting. I am still waiting since being referred for therapy.

Yeah same here the doctor in the hospital actually advised us on putting mum in a hospice because of the brain mets they caused absolute havoc she was so confused bless her & irritated because she honestly didn't understand what was happening & that was the saddest part, I live with that daily did she know she was actually dying because she was so confused that kills me to think :-( but there was no chance of her going anywhere else but home. I just wanted to be with her every bit of the way.

I understand about the flashbacks I keep having nightmares I think am processing it through my sleep. Have you got any other close family to support you or friends that when your ready too you can speak too?

I have sent you a friends request I will drop you a message in there xx

Hey,

You're way ahead of me, as my dad only passed away this month after 10 months struggle with brain tumour.

But I just wanted to say that I've read that a 6 month dip is normal, according to the book I've been somewhat religiously reading and reciting! (called the irreverent grief guide). Apparently your brain will block emotions for the first six months so you can survive, but then it will slowly trickle out what it thinks you can handle. I obviously don't have experience of this yet but just wanted to share in case it's any use for you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure I want to reach that six month mark but I'm led to believe it's the start of healing . Fingers crossed . x

Hi there,

Firstly, I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely dad to this cruel horrible illness & for everything you have gone through the past 10 months. I can only imagine after going through everything myself for so long. It truely is soul destroying :-(

Thank you so much for reaching out & sharing, I haven't heard anything along them lines before but this book sounds interesting, has it helped you? I have had a look for the book is this the author Elizabeth Kupferman?

Thank you so much again.

xx

Thank you :) nice to hear from you and hope you're feeling okay today.

Yes that's the one. I haven't finished it yet but I've fully enjoyed what I've read so far!  xx