It's been a year 7/1/21 , That my world fell apart , I lost my wonderful husband to lung cancer , He also had a pancoast tumour, he suffered so much pain , but he never moaned , he was always thinking of us , making sure me and our three sons would be ok when he passed, he was diagnosed may 2018 , and we were told he had sixth months . He fought such a brave battle with such dignity, but Christmas Day 2020 , he started his end of life journey. It was and is the hardest saddest sickening, horrendous time , watching the person you love so deeply , suffer and you can't do anything to stop it . The day he passed, i had to sit him up , with the help of our wonderful daughter in law , who helped me nurse my husband at home , I couldn't listen to him trying to breath laid down anymore, we helped him , propt him up with pillows, but as we did that he looked at me and took two final deep breaths and he was gone 7/1/21. My world ended from that moment darl xxxx I honestly can't cope with losing you , it's like living that day over and over again. I still sleep with his ashes , I sleep very little , I talk to him loads , I'm so angry he's not here , it's so awful.     My brother had cancer since he was 18 , he too fought so hard , he seemed to give up when my husband passed away , and my little brother passed away 3 weeks after my husband . It's too much to bear , my heart is in bits , I feel guilty because I haven't grieved properly for my brother as I can't stop thinking about my husband.   It's my brothers 1st year anniversary in heaven 3/2/22, one year for both of them , but I feel like I lost them both today . I just cry constantly, I ache so much , I try to act normal In front of our children and grandchildren, but it's so hard , I talk about them constantly, but I don't want to overload my grief onto them . I know they're grieving, but they need to get on with their lives , they listen and comfort me , but I can't keep doing it to them . I just can't see a way to carry on without them . It physically hurts , I hate the fact I will never hold them or talk with them , I'm sorry for pouring out on here , I just needed to say it . I hope I haven't upset or offended anyone, I send love to everyone on here as we are all suffering because of this terrible cruel disease.