My husband was a fit, intelligent ex rugby playing pe teacher.  So happy go lucky, fun, annoyingly intelligent, loving and kind. He had been battling abit of anxiety and depression because of bad people/ companies trying to further themselves and save a buck! He was an amazing dad two our beautiful children boy 9, girl 12. 
felt unwell, but when went to a&e they said mild inflammation and gave naproxen! 3 weeks later he left us! The strongest bravest funniest most annoyingly brilliant man I've ever ever known! I mean, a week before he was teaching a class of 30 5yr olds. Then BAM... you have CA in your pancreas, and your liver, lungs, abdomen! You have days to live. 
secind Christmas coming.... barely remember too much of the first! Been in auto drive safety mode for the kids. Always on edge and awaiting something bad to happen! #yer, like it could be worse! 
just feeling ***. Many many people in the world and yet no him! Why him? Why were people so *** and selfish and dismissive to him when he needed help and then jump on the grief train afterwards? I feel sick.

i just want my kitten

Hi CJG4CJG,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and I can only imagine how difficult this time has been and continues to be.

Please remember we are always here for you and there will always be people available to listen. I hope this forum can provide some small support to you, and I know there will be others here who have been through or are going through something similar.

I'm not sure if you've explored additional options for support at all, but if not then do have a look at Cruse - they have some good resources, a free helpline, and local centres where you can speak to someone one-to-one. It's always helpful to talk things through with others and to have someone who can listen.

Keep looking after yourself as much as you can. Take care and wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi there. So so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I don't think there is ever an age where you feel ready to lose your partner. And unfortunately this cancer is unforgiving. 
It might seem unthinkable at the moment but as your life goes on you will find happiness with your children and remember he lives on in them. You have a reason to keep going. . 
You have been dealt a hard blow but don't let it define you, if possible learn from the unthinkable and allow it to make you a better, stronger person. 
As a young cancer fighter, I can truly say life is hard and sometimes things happen that we can't prepare for and that make us feel like giving up completely. It happens to others but we never dream it would happen to us! But you will find strength and light in your life again. The circle of life can be long or way too short. We can't control it so make the most of every day. Sending many well wishes and hopes for the future for you. 
Also, don't do it alone. There are lots of support services out there. Contact your nearest Maggies centre and explain how you are feeling (they are amazing) or even your GP who can start the ball rolling to get you the support you need <3

I'm sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your husband.  I read your story and could unfortunately relate to the pain you are going through, as my story is very similar.
 

My partner passed away just over 3 months (12th October) ago from cancer of unknown primary, only 5 days after receiving her diagnosis.

Unfortunately her form of cancer was extremely rare and aggressive and by the time we got the diagnosis, it had spread everywhere (Liver, bowel, stomach, kidneys, pancreas, blood, and bones).  They suspect it was pancreatic cancer but we will never know, as it was too wide spread.

Danielle was only 38 and had no symptoms up until 4-5 weeks prior to her passing.  She was a fit and healthy girl and we were completely in love with so many plans of how we were going to spend our lives together.  I still struggle to understand how could this happen so quick and why her, why my Danielle???
 

She was my soulmate and the person I was to grow old with.  Danielle leaves behind 2 kiddies (not mine) that I still see once a week, as they now live with their father full time.  They are 4 & 8 and just the sweetest kids...

Danielle never got the chance to fight this horrible disease but I know she would have because that's who she was.  I draw comfort in that she was not scared and I was there with her right to the end, as I said I would be.  She passed away in my arms at 22:22pm.

I love and miss her every day and always will.  Stay strong...

All I can offer you and Mark19W is my heartfelt sympathies. What a terrible shock.

Mark - your post is lovely and heartfelt. It's lovely that you were with Danielle until the end and you still see her children. xxx

Hello Mark, I am so sorry to read your heartbreaking story.   When you had your whole life ahead of you, this was the most cruel blow and a nightmare.

I lost miy 39 yr old son in January last year to a rare and aggressive cancer Rhabdomyosarcoma or RMS and after 10 months of gruelling chemo, radio, ops he passed away leaving 2 little children and loving and emotionally distraught wife.

You will get better and it is a strange way to describe it, however unfortunately you will always be the person who lost his precious partner.  I'm sorry to say that.   Try and remember the good times and find a way of escaping for the sake of your sanity and keep busy.

I can never move on as he was my only and precious son.   I have a daughter and she and my son in law help enormously.   My husband is a broken man.    
 

it is such an evil disease that takes without good reason and causes havoc and intolerable grief with relationships.

I sincerely hope you have caring friends and a loving family around you.

Wishing you strength for the future.

Thankyou Littlenonny for your kind words...

I'm sorry for the loss of your son to this horrible disease, I have a daughter and losing her in the way you lost your son is unthinkable.  I'm so sorry...

Keeping busy definately does help most of the day but it's the evenings and mornings that hit hardest, when Danielle is not there cuddling up watching a movie, going out for dinner and drinks, or just seeing her eyes as she woke next to me...

I do have good family (mine and Danielle's) and friends too but I can't help that I have become slightly distant from everyone.  They have been very patient with me and I'm slowly clawing back some contact as time goes on but I'm not sure I'll ever be the same.

Wishing you, your husband, your son's wife and kids all the care in the world.  Take car.  Mark