Hi there,

Totally understand how you feel. I'm caring for my mother who has terminal ovarian cancer and she's been given 3-6 months. I'm an only child and have similar thoughts about what I'm going to deal with once she's gone. Essentially, I'm going to have to clear her house of her beloved furniture, deal with her finances and ensure that the house is secure before I can sell it. The way I cope is to try not to think too far ahead and let my feelings get out of control. They are things that I can't change right now and I try to focus on the here and now whilst planning things that I have to like power of attorney and extra carers. I hope that helps a little but please remember you're not alone there is a really supportive community here. X

You will take each task one at time.  It's overwhelming and heartbreak is unbearable.  When I lost my Dad I thought I would never get dressed, stop crying and go to work.  You find the strength from somewhere and start to function.  My advice would be to make notes on tasks, as everything takes several phone calls and letters. Xxx

Hi 

thank you for your reply, it's good to know other people have similar thoughts.  I'm going to take your advice & not think too far ahead.  I did make a list about a month ago for the authorities I would have to contact, I found a helpful list on a bereavement website.  I felt bad doing it as dad is still with us but I felt it was better to have it in place just now rather than trying to think of these things at the time when it will be overwhelming. 
 

thank you 

Hi 

thank you for your reply.  I found a great list on a bereavement website about a month or so ago & made a list from that for the relevant authorities I would need to contact.  I know I have a great family support network who will help me every step of the way. 

thank you 

If you haven't come across it yet: the government "tell us once" service makes a lot of the notifications easier www.gov.uk/.../organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once .You can even "outsource" dealing with probate/winding up the estate to a solicitor if you don't feel confident.

If you have a chance, go through paperwork including funeral arrangements with the person whose affairs you will have to sort out. This includes identifying accounts, policies, log-in details for online access, contact addresses/websites. Look up whether any financialinstitution has a very complex or vague death procedure (it should be on their websites) and see whether accounts can be merged or closed, particularly for small accounts. Make a list, write down what direct debits & standing orders are set up. Write down family members' & friends' details who should be notified.

Yes, it's a horrible task, but I'm glad I did the preparation work with my husband while he still could,so we made sure nothing would be overlooked. I've dealt with pensions, utilities, subscriptions myself, used the tell-us-once service and handed the paperwork for probate application to the solicitor. Cuts down the stress.

And don't let anyone push you into setting up a big funeral-event just for the benefit of pushy people. I told everyone it was going to be an unattended cremation and ignored the person who said it would be "lovely" if I could at least set up a dinner in his memory for all his friends (400 miles from home for me!). Nope, it's not going to happen.