How do I support my friend?

My friends spouse has been diagnosed with a brain tumour about 2 years ago, they have been having chemo ever since having the tumour removed.

Over the last 6 months things have been very difficult for them at home.  Their spouse is very demanding of their time and is constantly asking questions, questions which are pointless, the same questions time and time again,. Every few minutes they call their name and ask a question. Even if my friend isn't home their spouse will call with questions that have no meaning.  It is never ending.

The spouse isn't very mobile after putting on weight thoughout the treatment process and is suffering with depression and anxiety.

Now my friend is on the edge. They feel they aren't able to cope anymore. They will not take any time out as they feel guilty knowing things are worse for their spouse.  They also have a young child.

How can I help my friend? I don't know what to say or how to encourage them to look after themselves and not feel.guilty about asking others to chip in and help so they can have some time out for a few days.

  • Hello Lavender_girl, 

    You are such a caring friend and things don't seem to be easy for your friend but I am sure you are already helping a lot showing that you are there if they need anything. Looking after a loved one with cancer can be truly exhausting and emotionally draining especially when we see the person we love being affected so much physically and no longer being able to do the things they used to do or to even have a simple normal conversation. Your poor friend, it must be so hard and your friend definitely needs to take time to look after oneself and recharge batteries - it's the only way really to then regain the strength to concentrate fully on the needs of their spouse. 

    There is an interesting section on our website with lots of useful tips on taking care of yourself when you are a carer which I hope will be helpful to your friend. It's important that they manage to take breaks for example and if things get really too much that they talk to a GP about it for advice maybe so that they get the support that is so much needed at the moment. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator