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Mums breast cancer diagnosis

pops1998
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I've had to make a new account to post this again as I've forgot the password to my old account. My mum was diagnosed with breast this year in early May which came as a massive shock to my whole family she felt a lump around mid April and went to the doctors her mammogram wasn't until September so the doctor brought it forward she went and was told by the doctor they think it could be cancer but they have to do a biopsy to make sure (she was told this on her own by a doctor who showed no empathy what so ever which in my opinion no one should ever be given news like that on their own) she had a biopsy done then got a phone call to say it was breast cancer she had stage 2 estrogene positive which ive been told is classed as early stage breast cancer after the diognosis the plan was surgery to remove the tumour then 6 rounds of chemo and 12 rounds of radiotherapy and tamoxifen for the next 10 years she was given great results and a great prognosis 93% chance of it never returning she is now cancer free I'm 22 and feel very alone I'm very very close with my mum and I come from a really small family only 4 of us and feel I have to be strong for everyone else around me that is worrying about my mum too as I don't want to worry them and share my dark thoughts with them even though i have been told by mum and dad growing up to talk to them when I'm worried and they encourage me to talk about this so I feel I don't really have anyone to talk to and I don't want to talk to my mum when she's the one who has been through hell and back the past few months I feel like I shouldn't be the one worrying I have to be strong for her so I need to find a better way of dealing with my worries instead of botteling them up I have took this quite bad and looking for some advice on how to deal with it and how to help my mum with her worries  I feel like now the shock has worn off I'm starting to process what has actually happened in the last few months I'm so happy she is cancer free but I'm really struggling with worrying about the future and struggling with how to deal with the uncertainty about it returning any advice would be really appreciated. X

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    Hi Pops,

    Welcome back. It is great to hear that your mum is now cancer free and getting on with treatment to keep it at bay. Unfortunately, fear of recurrence after a diagnosis, is something that we all have to learn to live with - and it's not easy.

    You are still young to try and process everything that is happening. Can you try to concentrate on making memories with your mum and supporting her, both in her cancer journey and in anything else she might want to do? You will find that this is better than concentrating on what might come to pass in the future. The big picture is often too much to cope with. Take things one day at a time.

    Your mum will possibly feel very tired during treatment. Helping out with cooking, housework, shopping will all be invaluable to her. Ask your mum if she wants to talk about how she feels. Some people do, but others would rather not worry family by being too open. Whatever she wants is the right way to proceed.

    Please keep in touch and remember that we are alays here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hi Pops,

    My wife was diagnosed last year, lumpectomy within a month of finding the lump, Chemotherapy for 4 months, Radiotherapy ( intense 10 day course) and then given a clear Mammogram in May....only to discover its reoccurrence a few months later, though we think it’s a different kind.

    She has just been into hospital for more drastic surgery...which has really knocked us back.

    Just know...as I am discovering, you are  not alone...there are so many people out there going through the same journey or have travelled the path we are on.

    I like a chat ...I find it odd doing it like this,but it helps in getting things clear in your mind.

    None of us know what the future will bring, we just have to keep plodding down the road every day. But remember....there are lots of us walking this road...and all feel the same.

    Keep in touch...

    All the best

    D

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hey Jolamine, thanks for the reply 

    yeah this is a really good idea we all just need to learn to take each day is it comes instead of looking too far into the future I think we are all still in shock to be quite honest with you, even though she's through it now I actually feel a bit traumatised with it all as it's the closest I've ever came to loosing my mum she's never had any health problems always been really healthy/active  I'm thinking of maybe trying counselling I feel so guilty that my mum is coping better than I am I feel like I should be the strong one again thanks so much for the advice. X

  • Offline in reply to Dobby1

    Hey dobby, thank you for the reply 

    I'm sorry to hear about you're wife's recurrence it must be such a hard time for you and the family I hope she is recovering well from surgery. 
     

    It really does help knowing you are not alone I come from a really small family and don't have many friends so it can feel quite lonely some times, I need to work on taking each day as it comes instead of worrying about the what ifs and buts and maybe's because it'll only drive us all mad at the end of the day

    i think as well when I was growing up most people in my family that have had cancer (older relatives different/cancers) have all passed away and there was not much the doctors could do for them. so straight away ive always thought it's been a death sentence but it's really not the professionals are finding out more and more every day and the treatments they have now are 100x better than what they were years ago. 

    again thank you for the advice and helping me feel less alone in this journey x

     

  • Offline in reply to pops1998

     

    Hi Pops,

    Nobody wants to lose their mum, although it does sadly happen to most of us eventually. It is good that your mum's breast cancer has been caught early and that the outcome looks so good. However, it is a terrible shock for all of the family whena loved one gets a cancer diagnosis.

    As the person who everyone is going to lean on, it would be well worth talking to a counsellor and building up that strength that we all seem to get from somewhere in situations like these.

    Please keep in touch,

    Jolamine xx

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