Hello, this is a bit of a long one.
I'm 25 and my 27 year old partner have been together for 6 years. Like many relationships it has been Rocky but we've always found our way back to eachother. Since the start of this year he's been very distant with me not knowing if he wanted the relationship anymore, and I have worked so hard on it to try stay in contact and he still wasn't sure, he was living as though he was single but still contacting me every few days. from the start of the year he had swollen lymph nodes in his neck. Back and forth to doctors and they kept saying not to worry and it was probably glandular fever. He ended up breaking up with me just over a month ago saying the relationship was too stressful, he didn't love me anymore and this has put life into perspective and he realises I'm not making him happy, but the door was very slightly ajar if I wanted to wait. Since then I've been trying to check up on him and he's just been really nasty to me. I was the only person he told so I was at the other end of the phone for every rant every appointment, everything. He went for a biopsy last week and I offered to go with him but he kind of shut me out and just stopped talking to me, which I thought was strange but knew it was a stressful time. 2 days ago he got the diagnosis he has hodgekins lymphoma. He told his mum 2 days before his results and she went with him. He called me and literally said 'don't freak out, I have hodgekins lymphoma, it's at least stage 2, I have more tests and chemo next week, I never want to hear from you again' he hung up. I lost my dad at 15 to melanoma so instantly went into panic mode and messaged him asking if he could ring me to tell me more information, he wouldn't. I messaged his mum saying I will always be at the end of the phone for her and if she needs help with anything I'm here, she blocked me. She's very controlling and I knew as soon as he told her, things would change. I have tried to check in on him every day but he just won't talk to me, he has spoken to and visited all his family and friends and just thrown me in the bin now everyone else knows and he doesn't need me anymore. It seems im the only person hes shut off and cut out. Even when he's been awful to me this year I have never once caused him any stress or being nasty back, I've always just been there the best I can. I messaged him yesterday asking if he wanted me there for him or not, and he said he will never speak to me again, never wants to speak to me again, he's sick of me, if I don't back off his mum will come round and warn me, and he doesn't want any of his memories to be with me. Obviously this killed me but I responded saying I was so sorry I made him feel like that and I will respect his decision, but I have spent a lot of money on things to help with chemo like heat pads/warm clothes/sweets etc and if he would like me to drop it off or return it. He told me I could drop it off and if I didn't speak to him anymore then he will think about keeping me up to date with things but if I say one more word to him he will cut me off and I'll know nothing.
my heart is breaking and I just don't know what to do for the best. Is he angry and needs someone to be angry at and will come round? Has he just used me until he doesn't need me anymore? Do I move on or do I wait for him? He is having 12 weeks of chemo. I'm struggling to get through each day, I can't get out of bed my mind is going in overdrive. He knows me being there can't hurt me, he knows I won't get scared and run away because I've been there before. I just don't know what to do. It's killing me not knowing if he's okay or not and it's killing me not being there when I should be and promised him I would be.