Hi Pug,

I am so sorry to hear of the position you and your husband find yourselves in. I have been in this position  with both my father-in-law, my mother-in-law and my own mum. In my father-in-law's case he was diagnosed only 5 days before he died, which was quite a shock.

This wll be a particularly hard time for you, especially when you haven't told your daughters of his prognosis. Somehow or other, we always find the strength to see this through. It sounds as if you have everything in place to keep him at home and as comfortable as possible. I am glad to hear that you have a fantastic team supporting you, as this makes all the difference.

I too hope that he slips away peacefully. Try to deal with all that is happening at present and don't look too far into the future. You have more than enough to cope with in the present and will have plenty of time to mourn your loss afterwards. There is only so much that you can deal with at the moment and, I hope that you find that extra strength to get through this. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Please keep in touch and remember, that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you for your kind words,and I'm sorry for your losses too.

Our daughters know their dad hasn't long to go

but I couldn't tell them that it was potentially only a few weeks,it was too brutal.

Yes the speed is unreal it was confirmed  it was terminal on the 27 August, although the investigations started end July with the back and shoulder we thought just overdoing it, a dodgy mattress and our big dog pulling on the lead ! How wrong we were...

thank you again

Gail x

I am so touched by what you are going through please message me as I have been through something similar x

Hi Pug,

Have you thought that your daughters might want to say more to their father before he passes? If not aware of the length of time remaining, they may never get that opportunity. I had this happen with my young daughter when her Great Gran was dying. We didn't tell her how limited time was  - she was more hurt by the fact that we hadn't than if we had. This is just something for you to think about.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

They know he hasn't long and I have said  that it's not months but weeks,it's so difficult to do the right thing and I see where you're coming from.

The good thing is they are very close to him anyway and we are a very open honest family so they and him have spoken already so I hope there's no regrets.

Thank you x

Thank you 

Your story is so like ours, how did you cope was your husband at home ? The speed is unbelievable he had a sore back and shoulder in July chiropractor said it was muscular? CT scan on 27 August said it's terminal both lungs into lymph's ribs spine and shoulder with a something on the kidneys.No biopsy as pain was too severe then, pain control now good and we have the right team in place now.The first GP was crap and left us with nothing but a prognosis while she went on holiday !

We cope day by day him getting worse and us watching.

we try and keep it as normal as we can knowing the end isn't far away and that's the hard but isn't it?

Gail x

Hi Pug,

I hope that I haven't offended you by being so blunt.. My daughter was only 4 at the time and had a great rapport with her great gran. I was absolutely amazed by how upset she was afterwards. She was upset by her death certainly, but almost more so by the fact that we hadn't told her.

I am glad to hear that your children have already spoken to their dad and  I do hope that they are coping too.

Thinking of you all.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Oh no not at all I like blunt talking ! it's lovely that you've taken the time to speak and I appreciate that.

Gailx

Hi Gail

thanks for replying, no my husband wasn't at home he became very unwell and had only just had first round of chemo and immunotherapy so we thought it was the reaction to that but got him to A&E and unfortunately he passed away there with in a few hours so was not prepared for this as was so sudden.  Like you say the speed of this spreading was very quick! .  I know I am 2 yrs now down the line but you do learn to cope and to be stronger than you could ever imagine especially when you have children .  I have sent you a friends request if you happy to accept and can chat privately on there .

Victoria x