I am in a similar position to you my husband had a back and shoulder strain,he was diagonised with lung cancer spread to numerous bone areas spine shoulder ribs we got the news at the end of August and he's on his last few weeks now decline really quickly.No treatment at all he didn't even get a biopsy he was so ill at the time with pain.

pain relief is controlled now he's at home with us.

I have two daughters 18 and 21 and it was horrendous telling them so I don't know how old your children are but it will be horrible telling them.I haven't disclosed the fact I know and so does he that he has only a couple of weeks left.Both of mine are at university away from home, not far thankfully.

My husband has found his happy place and gets his head there we have a routine and it helps us.

At the start it's hard but you do get into a place where you cope and get the strength from somewhere?

I hope you manage to cope and get the help you need, after a bit of a battle we got a fantastic team around us now so he can stay at home.

I'm so sorry, I know this pain, don't think how long it will take, a week, a month, a year, grab every moment together, enjoy every day, bake a good cake, turn on a silly comedy and don't think about the future, celebrate every minute together

Thank you. I am definitely going to try and make everyday count and keep positive yes it was a shock! But without positive belief those days won't be precious and meaningful. We have had a weekend of mixed emotions but tomorrow is another day to make count. We are luckily to be all together and to have each other and I know we need to keep that in our minds when times are hard. 

my eldest son17 then daughter who is 14 and 4 is my youngest daughter. The older ones knew she wasn't well and we have prepared then to some extent but to say the new information I'm going to ask the McMillan team for advice and help as I feel perosonally putting a time on it has made it soo much worse for me and I don't want them marking off the days (if that makes sense) my mum has always been like a second mum to them they spent every weekend with my parents and my middle daughter is disabled and they have an amazing bond and that whom im most concerned about but we need to remember we have each other and we are all feeling the same. 

we have had many family visit this weekend and it's clear to see the emotions of sadness but also we have spent hours with laughter too. 

 

I am determined I want her to stay with us untill the time comes I want her to have us with her from now till then and that is just my choice I know for some this isn't an option and that's not judgemental is anyway. I am fortunate to have worked in care for many years but of course it's very different when it's your loved one. I won't be afraid to ask for their support and guidance though as I am know I will struggle at times. 
 

but I really appreciate just talking to someone outside of my family and friends it has already brought me comfort to know it's ok to feel as I am. 
 

thank you ️ 

Im sorry to hear of your husband, as naive as it may sound do you think it will never happen to you all your loved ones but one realisation that I've had since the start of this is that it does and it's hard. 
but If I can make the time we have count and as long as she doesn't suffer that's all I can ask. 
Life can be very unfair that's for sure. 
im hoping the community McMillan team will help with the kids and know the right way to help them. 
thank you for replying it means so much to know im not alone in these feelings and concerns. 

I am going to try my best to do the most we can in the time I've taken down the Callander I not count nothing I'm going to try to make the precious moments count. thank you for your reply x

We take it day by day some better than others but the pain control is key we didn't get the support at the start and that was heartbreaking but that's all good now so at least the times we have together is pain free.

No it's the speed that it happens that makes it difficult too, your life turned upside down in a day.

Emotions up and down and the strength comes to you and helps you cope, along with the life and support of family and friends.

I hope you and your family cope and your mum can enjoy your time together.Keep in touch x

Hi

I had a similar experience and feel your pain as I had this happen  with my husband and my children were 15 and 18 so I know where you are coming from . I am always here to chat please message me x

Victoria 

Hi  R14,

 Many people find it easier to talk to strangers on this forum, instead of worrying family members further. I am so glad to hear that you are a close knit family, although in some ways this will make things harder for instance, in the case of your disabled daughter. If you have contact with McMillan, then certainly ask for their advice on how to break the news to the children.

I am sure that aside from you wanting your mum to stay at home, this would be her wish too. Hospitals ans hospices are great places when needed, but there's no place like home if you can manage her care with help.

As to how you feel. It is not only ok to feel how you are, it is also perfectly normal. Please remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx