I’m going to just give my opinion from the point of view of someone with cancer and how I felt about this. I didn’t want anyone to know about my diagnosis, far less give them a step by step account of treatment etc, so I chose only to tell family and a couple of friends. No-one else knew I had cancer until after my first round of treatment was finished. When my cancer recurred, I just said I was having surgery but again did not do into any details. It was personal to me, and while some people want everyone to know, others simply don’t. Even my in laws don’t know what surgery I had. I was concentrating on myself, not worrying about how everyone was dealing with my diagnosis.

That’s how I dealt with things, and maybe your friend is similar. I don’t mean to be harsh, and appreciate that you want to help, but this isn’t about you, it’s about your friend, and in my opinion you should respect her wishes. Having cancer is exhausting and extremely time consuming and a lot of the time I didn’t have the energy to be contacting friends, replying to messages etc. I also didn’t want visitors. 

You may have the opinion that this isn’t “healthy” but you are not the person who is ill, and with the best will in the world you cannot understand what this is like, or how she is feeling. By doing as she has asked, you are respecting how she wants to deal with this, and I think you need to put your own feelings to one side and accept that. As I say, just my opinion, but it might give you a little perspective on the situation. 

Thank you Minska, I appreciate you sharing your perspective with me. I'm just trying to be the best friend I can be to someone dear to me, there is no selfishness intended - just fear. 

I absolutely understand where you’re coming from, and I think I would have felt exactly the same as you are if I were in your position. It’s just very hard for someone without cancer to understand the thought process of someone who does. You are afraid, and your friend will be afraid, but it’s a different kind of fear. Your friend will appreciate, I’m sure, the knowledge that you are there for her if she needs you. My advice came from a place of caring and knowing what this is like, and was meant with the best of intentions from one Scots lass to another. x