Hi Guys

I'm new to this, and like the topic I'm sure we are all new to cancer. 
 

My grandma was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer in December 2020 after having a couple of symptoms but like most elderly people, she put off going to the doctors, when eventually me and my mum begged her to go. 
 

We was told she had a rather large tumour in her large bowel and it was inoperable as it was connected to a lot of other things in her body, it had also spread to her lymph nodes and was making its way to her gallbladder.  
 

In mid January she had a bowel obstruction and was rushed into hospital for an ileostomy operation, and now has a stoma bag (much to her delight).  She was doing really well as of late, she's now lost quite a bit of weight, lost her appetite and feels a bit tired. 
 

We was told by the hospital that chemo wasn't an option due to her cardiac history and so she was left to deal with the cancer. At the moment she's having some input from her GP due to her being unwell, and they aren't happy, and the same goes for me and my mum.  
 

My mum received a telephone call off the cancer team at the hospital stating that my grandma is now under a new specialist (due to hers being off sick) and they're questioning why my grandma isn't having chemo.  Me and my mum are startled, we was told this wasn't an option.  Her latest bloods also show her cancer level to be significantly higher than what it was when she was diagnosed, a sign I believe that it's spread.  So we are nearly a year on and my grandma has basically been left to rot, sorry but that's how I see it.

I'm angry, upset and frustrated. She's 72 in October and what a soldier she is, it's been a tough few years with the pandemic and she's not been able to live much of a life with that going on, and now with the cancer taking a hold, she's not gonna be able to live. 
 

Much of my life has been lived with my grandma - as a child my mum and dad worked full time and so I was left with my grandma to be looked after and cared for up until I was old enough to go to school.  And now in my late twenties she's still the adored grandma I remember. She's my only grandparent and I just can't physically imagine my life without her, and what's even worse, is I feel her slipping away just that little bit more, every day. 
 

I know nothing anyone says will make me feel better and it sounds terrible but I almost want it to be all over and done with so I can stop feeling this immense wave of pain. 
 

If anyone has any experiences or advice it would be gratefully appreciated.  As with all families I never ever thought cancer would affect mine, but my god it hurts like hell watching the person you love so much wither away.

Sorry for the rant - but thanks for reading, sending love to everyone.