Annoyed and alone

I'm really fed up. 

My mum was given 3 to 6 months to live in April and she has gone downhill a bit . Lost loads of weight and literally hasn't got the strength to even cook herself something or feed the cat. I do everything for her more or less. 

Thing is I have an older sister who is no help whatsoever. Her life hasn't changed a bit . She is a nurse aswell believe it or not and I just feel alone in this. It was the same when mum was drinking too much. She washed her hands with her because she thought mum was selfish so she had nothing to do with mum during that time. I was left at 13 caring for my drunk mother. Dad left and went to his own flat and actually told me to get my own place. He is no support either. 

I'm angry about this and I have no-one to talk to. I feel like I'm the only one that's ever been there for mum. Don't get me wrong I love my mum and would do anything for her no matter what was wrong with her even if she was drinking heavily again I would be there for her because she has always been there for me no matter what. 

My sister goes out every weekend and she pops by with pointless things for mum like chocolate and beauty treatments. Mum hasn't got the strength to do anything let alone go for treatments  and eating is a no no especially chocolate.  I'm annoyed. I'm angry and alone. 

I really don't know how go process this anger.  I can't speak to my sister she isn't the type and it would only cause more problems if I did and mum don't need to see us arguing. 

I don't know what to do with these feelings. I have nowhere else to turn.

 

  • I wish that I had the headspace to reply properly to you as you have written  so much there and there is anger, resentment'confusion and all sorts of overwhelming emotions.

     perhaps you might find it handy and helpful  to speak with a  counsellor and there are many available to families of people affected by cancer.

     Lost my parents a short time apart to cancer and there were a lot of sibling issues and tensions in this time.. Those continued during my own run in with cancer 

    Yet this is really a time to pull together not apart.  I get you feel frustrated and angry but sometimes we must stop.. catch breath and say 'everyone is doing the best that THEY can.. Just sometimes  their best is not our good enough'

    So perhaps focus on your mom and on YOU.. talk it out with a counsellor because talking with your sister with fear and emotion set to high at the situation will just get your sisters back and defences up. Try to be gentle with each other.. even when feel opposite. 

    Sorry if this is of no help to you but I send warm thoughts and strength your way