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Supporting toddlers

Budgies1978
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My husband has been diagnosed with a recurrence of his bowel cancer, which has spread to his liver, peritoneal, prostate and water pipe. I have 3 year old twins, one of whom seems to be completely oblivious to this, however the other one has started suffering with separation anxiety quite badly, and has become very clingy. I'm quite concerned about her as previously she was a very confident little girl. Does anyone have any advice as to how i can help her please or any organisations which support children so young? We haven't explained the situation to her as I don't think she would understand at all but she has obviously picked up that something isn't quite right with Daddy. 

Thank you for reading. 

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    Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment...  caring for all, please remember you need support to... try not to take it all on your shoulders ...

    Three is such an in between age ... and you have both sides of the coin in your twins ... I'd just say use gentle honesty ... like admitting daddy is poorly ... and the Drs are going to TRY to make him better... go with the flow ... treat each as individuals... call McMillan or Marie Currie... as both may have books to help you and them .. and advice as they come across this sort of situation ..

    If they see you cry, admit your feeling sad ... then they will know it's o.k for them to have tears too ... children have a way of crying and being upset or angry... 10 minutes later playing with toys ... like they can do both ... there's no right or wrong way .. as what works for one may not the other ... but gentle honesty all the way ... be kind to yourself ... it's no easy feat what your doing ... don't loose you, you need a hand to hold to ... sending you a vertual hug ... Chrissie x

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    Hello Budgies1978, 

    Chriss has given you some excellent advice and I thought I would just add this link from our website on Talking to children about cancer as well as this page from Macmillan on the same subject. You will find there some resources that may help you support your little ones during this difficult time. Your little ones are indeed so young at just three years old and it is an age when they don't really understand about illness and they tend to be mainly interested in what is going on in the moment. But as you said your little one seems to have picked up that something isn't quite the same with daddy and this may be why she is experiencing this separation anxiety. Or it may also simply be a developmental phase that she is going through. It would be worth perhaps talking to your GP about it and asking for advice on what to do in the current circumstances. Your doctor may have some good tips for you to help you support your little ones at the moment. 

    I can imagine this is such a stressful time for you having to support your husband whilst looking after twin toddlers - poor you, you have a lot on your shoulders and I hope you have friends and family around to give you a hand when things get a bit much.

    We are all here for you if you need to talk or offload and our nurses are only a phone call away on this free number 0808 800 4040 - their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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