Hi, 

to be honest I don't even know how to start off or if I'm even going to make sense. I'm new to this but have often read some posts and thought maybe I could add one and see if anyone can relate as right now, I feel so lonely. 
 

So I'm 23, and I live with just my mum. She's always been very poorly. She has a range of different other health conditions and is on around 30+ different medications a day. The cancer side of things.. she got diagnosed 2014 with non hodgekins lymphoma. She had lots of different treatments over the years which did often get rid of the cancer but it returned each time. Back in 2018, she got told it was terminal and only had 6 months left to live. She made it past that and we are still here fighting it now. However it's getting worse now. She's been having falls and she's currently in hospital because of a fall where they found so many different things wrong with her. She choose to have these treated and is due to come home this week. First we are having a hospital bed and equipment put in as she's struggling to walk around now and everything is getting so much harder. 
although I know this is of course what is going to happen, I just feel so on my own and scared. I can not imagine my life without her and it feels like my whole world is collapsing. Trying to be strong for her because the nurses are still unsure how long it's going to be, considering she's been a fighter through it all to this day. What I find most hard is living in limbo with this. My mum expresses most days how she wants to die now and it breaks my heart into pieces because right now I'm just so angry with the world that someone so deserving of everything is slowly dying. 
 

Im not even sure if any of that made any sense. Kinda wanted to get if our fo see if it helps. I just feel so heartbroken and empty in side. Nothing feels worth it anymore, and I know that will feel even worse when she does pass. Thank you for reading. :happy: