Hi, 

I'm here for the same reason. I don't know how to help my husband and our marriage has suffered. She was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer, the doctors are positive and she's started treatment with the operation. Her prognosis is good, for now, but he has become withdrawn and just a different person. 
 

We got married before the pandemic and ended up living with my mother in law as we waited for a better time to search for a house and move. We had just started our search, then she was diagnosed. 
 

Last week, he left the home and booked himself into a hotel. I don't know where he is, although he does text me once or twice a day. Our marriage is suffering and I don't know how to help him right now. I've been left to look after his mother. I've been the one taking her to the hospital, helping her post op, cooking, cleaning, shopping... everything has been left to me because he just can't handle anything right now. 
 

Any advice please. It's a desperate time. 

Hi there, both of you ... 

Men take things differently sometimes from lasses ... men in the "olden days" were ment to make things better ... sort stuff out ... be the "man" of the family ... 

Sadly now it's like they still find it hard to communicate feelings ... things like cancer ... they can't "fix" and I'm thinking they feel helpless and confused and isolated ...  it's so so hard for them to deal with this stuff ... not all, but there's a few that are feeling like them ... hopefully a gent will come along and put a man's point of view ...

I'd say, look after yourselfs ... be kind and stop trying to be super woman ... wer just human ... and yes it's really hard ... like a roller coaster ride.... highs and lows ... it's one of the toughest things we go through .. and think like them... put yourself in their place .. their mum may not survive this ... 

So I'd say, step back ... let them find their way ... support from a step away ... don't push for feelings or chat ... give them the space to come to you ... then gently hold their hand ...

And looking after his mum while he can't ... I'm sure he will realise how amazing that is ... your both doing a good job ... take one day at a time.... don't look ahead ... and take some time for you both to get away and do something away from cancer ... we all need a break ... Chrissie x

Thankyou for your reply. 
we managed to talk a little bit last night, although it didn't go too well. 
he's said he doesn't feel anything at all for anything. Just flat. Those were his words. 
I'm an overthinker and he's becoming more and more withdrawn. He said he's not sure if he wants to be with me. He doesn't know if it's us or because he doesn't want to put me through his mum being ill too? 
which is daft because I want nothing more than to be by his side through everything. 
 

I didn't realise he was struggling with everything so much & in recent weeks my relationship anxiety has been at its highest. Obviously I wouldn't have put so much onto him if I had known he wasn't coping well. He's managed to put on such a front with everything. 
 

im so upset I just don't know how to help or make this better :(