Hello StacyOle

I am sorry  to hear of the situation you are in . Although my experience was different I recognise your difficulty in not knowing what is best for your Mum ,coping with what is happening to her and trying to look after your young family .

During lockdown last year  my partner suffered pancreatic cancer and like your Mum thought that the driver meant the end . Of course they are right but the Palliative care nurse explained that sometimes patients can sometimes last for year plus with a driver if it is managed well.

Like you ,my teenager daughter and I  managed at home with the chaos and trauma  calling out nurses and on call doctors when the sickness was bad .
So in July he finally agreed to a driver .On the same day a place came up at the hospice .It got to the stage when it was not safe for my partner to stay at home as we couldn't move him safely so ,reluctantly we decided to accept .

The two days at home before he moved to the hospice were a nightmare as the anti sickness in  driver took a while to stabilise and I had to call out doctor and nurses to top up . Although I wanted him to be home we knew once we got to the hospice it was the best place to be .
It was a truly lovely place and he and I were so well looked after .

They did stabilise him and treat his symptoms in first week but I remember panicing  when there was talk of coming home . 

I spoke about my worry of coping and how to manage with the hospice family liaison  nurse .She assured me that he would not come home unless it was safe .
Unfortunately into the second weekend my partner deteriorated needing more care for sickness etc . So the morphine was increased , he was unable to come home and sadly died at end of week 2 in August .

It is hard to measure how long your Mum will live with a driver .

I would advise you to talk to nurses and consultant and ask questions and explain  your worries and  the situation you are in ,if your  Mum comes home .I am sure your Mum when she was well would not want have wanted you to struggle and suffer.

It's important that you look after yourself and young family too !

It was heartbreaking to see him go into the ambulance to the hospice but I am so glad that he did and stayed there to the end , he was 100 % more comfortable  and  it was less distressing for us  . I am thankful we don't have a traumatic memory of him passing at home . 

Well done for everything you are doing for your Mum . Good Luck .

ksg