Hi. I'm really sorry that you are having to go through such a difficult experience. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it. If you choose to stay by her side the whole time, it might be difficult not to cry. You are not superhuman, it takes everything not to cry. I had to leave my mothers bed side, because I couldn't take sitting there feeling like I was going to burst into tears, and the doctors and nurses were coming in and out, looking at me, it was awful. She was on the syringe driver, like your mum, and she just slept once she was on it. I didn't feel like she could hear me or was aware of me. So I packed up her stuff, and made it all nice and tidy, and told her that I'd made everyhing look nice the way she liked it. Then I left. I didn't do a tearful farewell, she was sleeping...it felt weird even talking to her.

Sending you kind wishes and lot's of strength to get through all of this.

Anyone who knows you and loves you will absolutely understand that you are going through the worst thing in the world right now, and they won't hold it against you. 

Thank you for replying.  I'm reading this and replying at 4.12am.  Mum's syringe driver failed at 1.30am.  A lovely out of hours doctor has just left after topping up and fixing the driver.

When I posted to the forum earlier I was having some time - 20 minutes.  In this time mum had fallen out of bed onto her knees.  I was panicked and struggled with my husband to lift her back into bed.  I'm now 'sleeping' on a sofa pushed right to her bed to stop her falling out / if she tries I can assist.  

I was sad to read your story it feels a lot similar to mine.  I hope you are working through and have support too.