Hello,

I really don't want to come across as if I am complaining but I just need some advice. My boyfriend, who i have lived with for a  year and been with for 6 years, was diagnosed with a neuroendocrine carcinoma in his intestines last week. At the moment it is stage 1 and he is awaiting MRI/CT and further exploratory surgery to find out more so there is a lot of unknowns. We were completely shocked as he is only in his late twenties and had only had quite minor symptoms. Since then, he has been so incredibly critical of me and very angry - nothing do or say is right, but brushing it off and acting like its no big deal to others. He lost a family member last year and reacted in much the same way, I would do everything I could but was never good enough - I worry that this is simply the way he handles tough times.

Unfortunately he was raised with a bit of a stiff upper lip and isn't very in touch with his emotions, so often if he is upset/worried/any other negative emotion he channels it into anger and its directed at me. He comes across as so lovely, bubbly and collected to everyone else, even his own family and close friends, but behind closed doors he constantly nit picks and I feel I am walking on egg shells. So far I have asked him if he wants to talk, listened, bought him silly gifts I thought he'd like, offered to take time off for appointments, driven him to and fro, just been there etc and he seems unbothered by all of this but then silly other things he picks holes in and I just feel I am under constant criticism. I love him very much and I am petrified of the outcome of his diagnosis, but just don't feel I should have to come under fire? I have downplayed how worried I am and barely mentioned it for his benefit as I really dont want to upset him any more, but surely he must understand this has some effect on me too? We are very young (I am early twenties and him almost 30) and although I have lent on my family a bit, he just puts on a brave face for his family and doesn't treat anyone else like this. Im also worried as he just doesn't open up to anyone.

I am worried we won't make it through this and I don't want him to resent me for not always being there for him during all this but I am finding it so tough when he is so critical. For example, we went on holiday last week after finding out for a few days away, I was driving and took a wrong exit and he went absolutely mental, repeatedly saying he couldn't believe I didn't know the way considering I have lived (near) the area for some of my childhood, he kept going on and on and could not let it go, I eventually said calm down whats making you get so annoyed and he lost the plot saying what do you think I could be upset about, of course I didn't mean it in that way but he screamed at me so much while I was driving that I just cried the whole way. A huge overreaction.

Any advice would be much appreciated, 

C x