My lovely 82 yr old father in law has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He recently had an aortic aneurysm operation by epidural because he was told he couldn't take general aneasthetic we presumed it was because he has poor heart health and prostate cancer to go along with it. When he came home he told us he has lung cancer but it's curable. Oh good we thought because my own father died 42 yrs ago of this horrible desease BUT it's not true he let it slip that his oncologist said they can't operate its too risky and he would only have 40% of his lungs left.
I have had my suspicions for a while because I could see him deteriorate but when I tried to mention anything he won't speak about it in front of my mother in law. He says he's OK when very clearly he isn't he told me today because I asked him in the kitchen to tell me what's happening and it's in both lungs so I'm guessing stage 4.hes seeing another person tomorrow who I think deals with the chemo side if things but he won't let me know who it actually is except its not his oncologist she's finished with him he said?
He will not let me go to any appointments with him he keeps doing everything around the house including washing my mother in jaw who has mild COPD but she still keeps having the odd *** every day. She doesn't have oxygen just inhalers. He dresses her cooks cleans does the washing gardening everything a fit healthy person usually does except he isn't and it's really really taking its toll on him. Myself my hubby and sister in law all try to help but he won't have it and my mother in law says there's nothing wrong with him he's just doing what he always does.
My mother in law can walk around the house but only when she chooses otherwise its fetch me that carry me this and she's become so much more demanding after his diagnoses of prostate cancer 5 yrs ago she can go to the bathroom via stairlift although there is a commode downstairs.I found out he carries her from the stair lift to the bedroom he's so oblivious to his own needs he's hiding his very poor health from her but at the same time I can see its killing him.
I apologise for rambling on but I needed to get it off my chest and would appreciate any advice except being nasty or harsh to my mother in law because I know I would upset him too much and I couldn't stand that.
As far as I know he's not having any help from nurses etc I think that's another thing that if they came my mother in law wouldn't like it and he would've admitted there's something wrong. (although of course she does know)
He's such a lovely man who completely dotes on his wife and can't see she's just being selfish and jealous of any attention he's getting. Please don't get me wrong I love my mother in law but she is completely in the wrong here.
Sorry if I've been a pain in such a long post.
Angie
